


Random Komahina Prompts

by UltimateDespairs



Series: Random Komahina Prompts [1]
Category: Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Angst, Comfort, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, Not My Fault, Panic Attacks, SDR2 Spoilers, Self Harm, Why this, but people keep sending me angst prompts, hinata tries, i just want these two to be HAPPY, i want to reiterate that, sometimes Komaeda is full crazy sometimes not
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-05
Updated: 2016-10-06
Packaged: 2018-08-19 15:18:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 25,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8213881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UltimateDespairs/pseuds/UltimateDespairs
Summary: A collection of all my one shots from Komahina prompts I receive from my tumblr. People were urging me to post them here, and so after a while I finally caved in. Everything from AUs, to canon, to divergences, and occasionally some NSFW. I will specify the prompt and summary before each 'chapter'.





	1. Pet

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Komaeda acting like Hinata's pet all day. Surprisingly, not nsfw. Canon!verse.

“K-K-Komaeda, you know you don’t really have to do this.” Hinata backs up a little more into his soft chair, watching as Komaeda whines, puppy eyes wide and staring straight into his. **  
**

“But I want to please you, Hinata-kun!” He exclaims, shaking his head. Hinata’s face flushes red as the fluffy ears bounce and shake with the motion. “I lost, so I have to pay the price, don’t I?” He tilts his head. “That’s how bets between friends work, right?”

Komaeda genuinely sounds unsure. He probably is, knowing him. Or maybe he’s just pulling an act to act out this sick fantasy. He’s totally getting off on this. He totally lost on purpose. He’s the Super High School Level Luckster, after all. How could he lose something like that, if he didn’t want to?

“F-First of all, don’t say it like that.” He shakes his head, lifting a hand as if to push Komaeda away but refraining from completing the action. “Second of all, I really don’t want you doing whatever I want all day. Especially dressed like that.” This was all Souda’s fault, for comparing Komaeda to a dog who ran to be at Hinata’s beck and call. All his fault. And Komaeda’s. And Monokuma’s, for putting dog ears and tails on this island because _seriously what the hell._

“Well…I understand why you wouldn’t, Hinata-kun. A dirty piece of garbage like myself can’t do much at all.” He sighs. Shit, that wasn’t the impression he meant to give.

“But, I can clean if you want, Hinata-kun! Your cottage is getting filthy. I don’t mind cleaning it for you!” He nodded, smiling so widely and genuinely that Hinata is absolutely convinced that he’s getting off to this in some way–maybe not in a sexual way, but in some shape or form.

“That’s not…” He hates playing into Komaeda’s hands, so much. But his cottage really is getting filthy…and Komaeda does look really eager…

“F-Fine…just hurry up with it.” He groans rolling over on his chair. Somehow, having Komaeda in here feels violating. But Komaeda merely chirps, and gets to work. Hinata picks up a book and tries to pretend Komaeda isn’t there. It’s hard, though, when Komaeda is humming softly, those damn ears bouncing with his motions, his leash dangling and catching on things softly. When he cleans, he doesn’t focus on himself. He can tell by how his jacket is dangling off one shoulder, leaving the pale skin exposed. His shirt is way too loose…was it always like that?

He’s tempted to say no, because god knows Komaeda would tease him that way. But if what he said about being sick is true, then he supposes it makes sense that his clothes would be too big for him.

If what he said is true. It’s possible it’s not. He said it was a lie, after all.

Minutes pass, and soon it’s been twenty minutes of Komaeda happily cleaning and humming. Hinata’s barely read a single page, though he’s looking at one determinedly. He should tell Komaeda to leave, but he does seem genuinely happy to do this for him. It’s weird. Really weird.

“Komaeda, are you hungry?” He suddenly blurts out. He’s feeling hungry himself. Komaeda stops in his cleaning, turning and humming.

“…I could eat, I suppose. Are you planning to feed me dog food, to fit this? It would be what I deserve, after all.”

“…No. No, Komaeda.” He cringes at just the thought. Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with him…He needs to get out of here, though. And the hotel is just down the way…it’s late already, too. So no one else will probably be there. “I’ll go get something from the hotel, okay?” He stands up, stretching.

“Do you want to bring me, Hinata-kun?” He springs towards him. “You could lead me by my leash. Make me crawl after you like a dog.” His voice is different now, somehow, eyes glinting strangely.

  
“W-What? N-No. You stay here–”

To his utter and complete humiliation, Komaeda drops to his knees, gazing up at him almost innocently, except for that odd glint. The ears bounce again. He reaches up, grabs Hinata by the wrist–not the hand, he notes. Komaeda almost never touches his bare skin. Ever. Still, he loops his fingers through the loop at the end of the leash with the unsteady grip, making Hinata hold it.

“It’d be fun for you, wouldn’t it? You have much better stamina than I do…so I’d probably tire. You could just pull me along while I scrambled after you. It’d be revenge for all the horrible things I’ve said to you, Hinata-kun.” He tilts his head, “maybe you’d prefer Hinata-sama?”

He hates it, but a shiver goes through him at that. Fuck…what the fuck does he think he’s doing? And why–

Then, Komaeda nuzzles his cheek against his hand, really like a dog. Komaeda…his skin is cold. Why is it so cold? Is it because he’s sick–

No, that was a lie. He pulls his hand back, and Komaeda looks confused, still sitting in a bundle on his knees. His jacket is still hanging off his shoulder, along with his shirt. It’s such a strange mix of innocence and obvious seduction. He almost looks hurt. His eyes are wide and innocent.

“I’m not doing that to you, Komaeda. And don’t call me that. You stay and clean. I’ll be back with food.” He says with conviction, turning around and marching out the door, not wanting to hear Komaeda’s response. This had not been worth it. When he gets back, he’s definitely telling Komaeda to take off those stupid ears and tail and leash. Storming into the hotel, he finds some cookies, two mini cartons of milk.

Why does Komaeda have to be this way? Is all that he said really true? Did he mean it when he said he was sick? He knew dementia could affect speech, things like that. Was that why? Was he telling the truth? Why did he say he was lying then?

God, it’s so confusing. He’d rather figure out a thousand cold cases than do this. Komaeda is more complex and confusing than any of them. He shakes his head, and heads back to his cottage, thoughts still swimming through his head even as he tries to ignore them.

To his surprise, when he enters, his room is pristine. Komaeda is still there, though, sitting on his chair and looking down at the floor in an almost melancholic way. He raises a hand, waves it in front of his face.

“Here. I brought you milk and cookies.” He says firmly, handing him the items. Komaeda hums, and pops a cookie into his mouth.

“…Thank you.” He murmurs, looking away. “Do…you want me to do anything else?” He asks, still sounding honest and innocent. Hinata scoffs.

“Yeah, take off those ears for one. And that tail, And the leash.” He nods. “I never wanted you to do this in the first place. I don’t want you doing exactly what I say.” Especially dressed like that.

“…Are you sure? I’d be happy to do anything for Hinata-kun, but that seems like a waste, doesn’t it?”

“I don’t have anything else that needs doing, Komaeda.” He turns away. “You set this up somehow, anyway. I’m not playing into your hands.”

Komaeda opens his mouth to respond, but then slowly nods in response instead. “Yes, Hinata-kun.” He speaks, as if he’s just been given a command and he’s ready to obey. It’s sounds like submission. It’s strange. He tugs the ear clips out of his hair, and the tail, and the leash–

“Ah…Hinata-kun, it won’t come off….” He mumbled, tugging on the leash. What? Hinata turns around to see him fidgeting with some sort of knot. He groans softly. Great…

Leaning in, he messes with the knot, too. But it’s done tightly…even he can’t get it off. Determined, he leans in further, sticking his tongue out slightly as he concentrates. Damn, it’s tight…

“Ah…Hinata-kun…you’re really close…” Komaeda murmurs, and it’s only when he feels his breath on his cheek that he realizes yes, he’s gotten really close. Too close…

“No one’s ever been so close to me before.” Komaeda murmurs, sounding almost wistful. Hinata pulls away at that, face going scarlet.

“…The knot’s too tight.” He says hastily, trying to divert attention from that. What even was that? “We’ll need a tool to break it off…”

“Like this?” Komaeda reaches into his coat pocket, pulling out a swiss army knife. Hinata’s eyes widen. He’s had this the whole time? That’s…really unsettling. He could have killed him at any moment.

But, he didn’t.

“Yeah, thanks.” He murmurs, taking the knife and slowly breaking the rope away from Komaeda’s neck. He rubs it after, a slight red mark around his neck. Just slight. It’ll be gone by morning, he hopes.

“I’m sorry, Hinata-kun.” He blurts suddenly.

“Sorry?” He squints in suspicion, standing up. It’s not until after he’s already done this that he realizes it makes him above Komaeda, again. “What the hell are you sorry for?”

“I wasn’t a very good pet, was I? I guess I’m really fit to just be garbage, not even an animal.”

“Wh–” He sighs, shakes his head. He’s playing into Komaeda’s hands again. “…No, that’s not right, Komaeda. You’re not garbage. Or an animal.”

“I just wanted to please you, Hinata-kun. You’ve been so nice to someone as worthless as me. I thought that would be a good way to repay you, after what Souda-san said. Hinata-kun deserves to have a good pet.”

“…Komaeda, that’s…” What can he even say to that? He has no idea. “…You weren’t worthless. You cleaned my cottage, you know. I couldn’t have done it so fast.”

“…If you say so, Hinata-kun.” Finally, Komaeda stands up. There’s a troubled look in his gaze, that even Hinata can pick up on. “It’s okay! I’m glad I could do that much for you.”

“Koma–”

“Should I go back to my cottage now, Hinata-kun? You probably don’t want me around dirtying your room.”

Is he playing around? Is he trying to guilt him? Is he manipulating him? He just…he can never know, with Komaeda. He can’t. But, he looks so crestfallen…can he really be faking that?

“…No. Stay here.” He blurts out, crossing his arms. Komaeda blinks in surprise.

“You want me to stay? So you did think of something for me to do?”

“No! Well, not for me…just…” He rubs the back of his neck. “We can just…talk for a bit. It’s not that late. You don’t look that tired, and neither am I, so…”

Komaeda looks at him with a slight frown, but nods after a moment. “I love talking with Hinata-kun, so I suppose I don’t mind staying for a while.”

“Good…”

For some reason, he remembers Komaeda’s cheek, so soft and cold, sliding across his fingers. Remembers his breath on his own cheek. Remembers the innocence in his eyes.

It makes his heart feel strange to remember. But when they start talking, almost normally for once, he almost forgets.

Almost.


	2. Trauma

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Hinata finding Komaeda tied up in chapter two, and after getting the gag ball from the mono mono machine, decides to put it to good use. Not NSFW, though I will give a warning for Panic Attacks/Flashbacks. Canon!verse

He can’t believe he has to feed Komaeda. Again. He holds the tray in his hand, knuckles white. _I don’t want to go near him, don’t want to be near him. He’ll say something weird…try to make me kill someone._ Hinata knew he would never kill someone, but just the way the other talked…it got on his nerves. Actually, more than that, it seriously pissed him off. Where did Komaeda get off talking that way?

Still, they couldn’t just let him starve…knowing Monokuma, he might just count that as murder - and, really, even though Komaeda was awful, and terrible, and manipulative, and a liar, he didn’t deserve to die slowly starving to death.

_I should have fed him last time._

It’s a jarring thought, but at the same time, at least it’s normal. He’d gotten so enraged with Komaeda during the last time he had to feed him that he hadn’t actually…fed him. What if he couldn’t eat? More thoughts started streaming through his head. Like, had he gone to the bathroom? Had he taken a shower? Probably not. No one else would even go near him, and he couldn’t do it by himself…

Is that…even humane, to treat him that way?

_But…but he deserves it, doesn’t it? Because of him, two of our friends are dead._ He shakes his head, frowning. This wasn’t a good day, so far…first he got that stupid gag ball out of the machine - who the hell would want that? - and now he had to feed Komaeda…well, it was best to get it over with, especially if Komaeda really hadn’t been able to eat the last few days.

Sighing, he pushed into the building using his back, standing outside the door to the dining hall with a fair bit of apprehension and fear. He shook his head, rapidly, and pushed through the door.

There was Komaeda, laying on the ground, still chained up, still tied up. He looked far worse than he did the last time he was here…there were dried milk stains all over his jacket and shirt - he hasn’t had a change of clothes, has he? - and bits of food stuck both in his hair and around his face. Yet, despite the obvious state of discomfort Komaeda should have been in, he greeted Hinata with nothing but a large smile, ecstasy chasing around in his eyes.

“Hinata-kun!” He exclaimed loudly, “d-did you really get luck bad enough for you to have to come feed me again? Ah, I’m so sorry that what’s good luck for me happens to be bad luck for you…” He actually did look a little sorry, behind all the ecstasy, what the hell. He rolled his eyes, sitting in front of Komaeda and setting the tray down.

“Shut up. I’m just gonna feed you and leave, okay?” He grumbled, picking up the sandwich. Before Komaeda could say something stupid or infuriating again, he shoved part of the sandwich into his mouth. Komaeda tried to hide it, he could tell, but he saw a flash of unbelievable hunger in his eyes - desperate hunger that proved Komaeda was still human, after all. It made pulses of both satisfaction and guilt pulse through him. He could tell that Komaeda hadn’t been able to eat much of what he’d left before…

As soon as Komaeda got to his fingers, Hinata pulled away as if it was a shark biting them instead, shaking his hand off.

“T-Thank you, Hinata-kun! To think that someone like you would actually risk getting their fingers in my disgusting mouth to feed me is truly - mmmph!-”

This time Hinata had cut him off by lifting his chin and pouring the milk into his mouth fast - probably too fast, since Komaeda starting coughing, even as he clearly was trying to swallow as much as he could. Hinata frowned, and pulled away. There. He was done, right? Komaeda was still coughing, but even after that fit was done, he looked up at Hinata with a bright smile.

“A-Ah…that was a little rough, Hinata-kun…if I didn’t know better, I’d think that you were trying to make me drown in milk!” He laughed, “if you want to kill me that way, I suppose I wouldn’t mind. Maybe people would think it was an accident - that I choked myself trying to drink it, and you’d get away with it. What do you think, Hinat - “

God, he just _doesn’t shut up._ He clenches his fist in his pocket, face screwed up in frustration, though it changes to surprise when he feels something soft in his pocket. The gag ball.

Ah. Maybe getting that in the machine wasn’t such bad luck after all. _I mean, if anyone comes in here and hears him go on about murder…what if they really get tempted? He tries to make it sound appealing, and even Hanamura got tempted into it…_

Having made up his mind, he pulls out the gag ball. Komaeda, who’d been going on about hope, and his death, or murder, whatever paused in his speech and froze noticeably when he saw the red ball dangling off the leather. For the first time, ever, Hinata saw real pulses of fear in his eyes.

“H-Hinata…kun…?”

“I’m going to put this on you.” He said, nodding slowly as if he was trying to convince himself more and more it was a good idea. I mean, he was already chained up, being gagged couldn’t really add much to that. “So you can’t try anymore to convince the others to kill you.”

To his immense surprise, Komaeda did not instantly agree like he’d been honestly expecting. Instead, he shook his head so fast his hair was a blur, and tried to inch away from Hinata.

“H-Hinata - kun…i-if you want to kill me, you don’t need to use a gag, okay? I-I’ll be quiet…so j-just…just put it away, okay?” He looked up at him, as if he’d never felt helpless in this whole situation up until this moment. Or, rather, never felt scared on this island until Hinata pulled out the gag. It makes Hinata pause a little - but this is supposed to be a punishment for Komaeda, isn’t it? Making him reflect on the horrible things he did. And he didn’t seem to be in much actual discomfort before this moment…

“I don’t want to kill you, Komaeda. The reason I’m putting this gag on you is so you stop saying that kind of stuff.”

Again, to his surprise, Komaeda shakes his head. “O-Okay, I’ll…I’ll stop…while I’m here, Hinata - kun…” His eyes are latched onto that gag ball like a normal person would look at a knife, or gun, when someone was pointing it at them. He’s never seen Komaeda looked this scared. Or scared at all, really. But…

“We already know how you tricked us, tricked me, Komaeda.” He declares, trying to convince himself as much as anything. “You think I’m gonna believe it if you just say you’ll stop?”

He reaches up to put the damn thing on Komaeda already, but he jerks back violently, hitting his head on the dining room table, hard enough that a solid resounding crack goes through the room, making Hinata jolt in surprise. But before he can say anything, Komaeda is already going off himself.

“I-I’m so sorry, Hinata - kun…I’m sorry for being born, for being trash, for being worthless…I…I know that will make your hope shine bright…but…but please…please don’t…” He’s hyperventilating now, fast enough that Hinata is suddenly concerned that he’s going to pass out. “Y-You can punish me….h-however else you want…I promise, o-okay? You can do whatever…whatever you want to punish me, but please…n-not that…not…” He squeezes his eyes shut, and this time, smacks his head purposefully against the dining room table, even harder than when it was clearly an accident.

“W-Whoa, Komae–”

“I just want to go home…” He whispers, his eyes suddenly vacant and far away, yet still somehow panicked and terrified. “I…I have lots of money…you can take all of it, okay? I don’t need it…just p-please let me go…” He shudders, and Hinata suddenly feels like wherever Komaeda thinks he is, it’s not here. He’s not sure what to do - Komaeda is clearly losing it, somehow. Was…this…a panic attack?

It takes him another moment to realize with a jolt that Komaeda is crying. Waves of guilt wash over him. He doesn’t think this is an act, anymore.

“Okay…okay. Komaeda? Um…can you…hear me?” He should go get Tsumiki, but he feels like leaving Komaeda alone is a terrible idea. Shit.

Komaeda’s eyes are still vacant and lost, and Hinata bites his lip, remembering one of the things he’d thought about Komaeda at first - that maybe he was the kind of guy who’d been through lots of trauma. He’s rambling things under his breath, but Hinata can’t quite catch many of them. It doesn’t seem like his usual tirade on hope and despair and murder, though.

“Okay…Komaeda? I…I’m putting the gag away, okay?” He slides it into his pocket, out of sight, and lifts up his hands. Komaeda is still curled up in the ropes, that look of somehow blank terror on his face. What was he supposed to do? Should he just leave him here, and let it pass by itself?

…No. This was…his fault. Komaeda didn’t deserve…whatever the hell was happening to him. He reaches over, and shakes him, gently. That causes him to look over at Hinata, but by the look in his eyes, he doesn’t think Komaeda thinks he’s looking at Hinata.

“N-No one’s come for me…n-no one cares…” He whispers, looking and sounding more like a child then a boy his own age. “Y-You’re going to k-kill me…and no one will miss me…or remember me…”

Hinata pales - what the fuck does he think is happening? And why now does he seem to genuinely not want to be killed?

“That’s…that’s not true, Komaeda.” He tenses, hoping his words are getting through to him. “Just…you know who I am, right?”

Komaeda looks at him blankly.

“…Hinata….Hajime Hinata.” He shakes his slightly, again. “Y-You’re, um…wherever you think you, are, you’re not. We’re on the island, remember? W-Whatever you think you’re going through, um…it’s over.”

Komaeda looks at him blankly. Then a flicker of light works it’s way into his eyes, and he blinks a few times, shaking his head as if he’s disorientated.

“…Hin…Hinata-kun…?” He murmurs, still looking out of it.

“Y…eah. It’s me. I’m, um, here.” He relaxes slightly, though he still looks down with worry at the boy. What had just happened? Had he had…what did they call it, a flashback or something? What kind of shit had Komaeda been through to have a flashback like that? “I…I’m…uh…really sorry about that.” Shit, he sounds like an ass. “Really, I, um…didn’t think that would…”

“…Could you leave, please, Hinata-kun?” Komaeda sounds different than he’s ever heard him  sound, tired and defeated. “…I…I want to be alone. Please.”

“…A-Are you sure?”

“Yes. And…and please…try to forget what just happened, please. I know it’s…selfish to ask that of you - “

“It’s not.” He blurts, suddenly, standing up. He takes in Komaeda’s state of dress, remembers his own cruel behavior. How could he forget what the hell had just happened?

But Komaeda looks humiliated and distraught…maybe he can come back in an hour, or so…give him some space.

“O - Okay.” He takes a few steps back, worry gnawing at the edges of his mind. Komaeda doesn’t respond, just looks at a spot on the floor with a darkly humiliated and somber look on his face. Torn yet again between what seemed like two equally bad options, Hinata takes a breath, and steps out the door.

He’ll…he’ll come back in an hour. Yeah.

He walks down the hall, clearly haunted by what he just caused.


	3. Shower

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Komaeda and Hinata in the shower, as a location. This one is NSFW, clearly, though it's pretty vanilla. Canon!verse

At first, he wasn’t sure if he really believed in Komaeda’s bad luck, the kind that he says goes along with his good luck. He’s started hesitantly warning him about spending time with him on the island, just little hints that make him almost afraid that something bad might actually happen. He just scoffs, of course. He has no doubt in Komaeda’s good luck, but his bad luck? That just doesn’t make much sense to him…

“H-Hinata-kun, I-I _really_ don’t think we should swim together.” He’s saying, even as Hinata pulls him along the beach. They’re already in their swim suits, since Komaeda had suggested swimming in the pool in the first place. But Hinata had thought at the beach, they’d be less likely to get caught, even at this time of night. And though Komaeda was protesting, he wasn’t running away, or anything.

“You were the one who suggested it earlier. What does the location matter?” He asks, tossing the bag with towels onto the sand, brushing his hair back. Komaeda shakes his head.

“Please, Hinata-kun, it’s dangerous–”

“It’s just the ocean, Komaeda. You went in it fine on the first day.” On the first day, when everything had seemed so much simpler…before the killings, before the weirdness, before Komaeda had betrayed him…and yet, here they were, just three weeks after that. Swimming. Hanging out.

He wasn’t, to this day, entirely sure how it happened. But as cruel as Komaeda could be, Hinata still oddly didn’t get a malicious vibe from him, or at least an intentionally malicious one. And sometimes…he can be calming. He can be annoying, too, but there are coincidentally enjoyable ways to shut him up…even if Hinata still feels the need to keep the fact that they’re even talking secret. If the others knew…he doesn’t know what he would do.

Komaeda seemed fine to comply with that, though. So he guesses he doesn’t have to worry about it.

“T-That was different! Please, Hinata-kun i-i-it’s too cold. I don’t…want to swim anymore.” He says the words so staggered that Hinata is sure he’s just making up excuses. He huffs, and as if it’s the easiest thing in the world, lowers himself into the ocean.

The moonlight is flickering off of the water, but most of it is still pitch black, like ink, rather than water. It’s freezing, too, and Hinata almost jumps right back out. But proving Komaeda wrong on this is much higher on his priority list.

“C’mon, Komaeda.” He calls, and Komaeda flinches slightly, shaking his head. He sighs, and swims further out.

“H-Hinata-kun!” Komaeda calls out, almost like he’s scared for his life. Jeez, who knew Komaeda could be so dramatic?

“If you really want me out of here…come at least touch the water. I know it’s not going to hurt you.” He bubbles the last few words into the water, a salty taste tingling his lips. Komaeda looks helplessly at him.

“Hinata-kun…” He can tell he’s shivering, a little. He hadn’t noticed that, before. He remembers how sick Komaeda got when he got the disease…maybe this is a bad idea. Maybe he could get sick again. His resolve falters when he remembers that.

But before he can speak up, Komaeda gives a soft sigh of resignation that somehow sails towards his ears on the wind, and inches forwards. Slowly, he wades into the water, shivering until everything but his head is in the inky black  water.

“There, Hinata-kun. Can we please go now?” He asks through chattering teeth.

And it’s at that exact moment that the wind picks up, and rainfall suddenly torrents above them. Hinata looks around instinctively, and hears a crash. Then suddenly, he’s under the water, and he can’t breathe…It’s like the water is pushing against him hard, like he’s been hit by one of those tidal waves he’s seen in movies, and he’s so surprised he can’t help but gulp in a burst of salt water–

Before he can swallow, though, there’s a grip on his hand so tight he’s almost afraid it might break off. He’s yanked out of the water, and pulled onto the beach, coughing and sputtering up sea water. The winds and rain are still roaring.

“ _Hinata-kun!_ ” He hears a voice call out. Komaeda’s voice…? He’s being shaken now, and it makes him cough up more. He still feels dazed, though. “H-H-Hajime, please…”

He coughs one last time, more out of shock then anything else, and sits up, looking at Komaeda in wonder. Did…did he just call him Hajime?

But before he can ask, Komaeda’s arms are wrapped around him tight, squeezing him so hard he can barely breathe. Komaeda’s also shaking, and this time Hinata doesn’t think it’s from the water or the cold or the storm.

“H-Hey…” He coughs, “it’s….okay…?” He speaks like he’s saying a question. He’s…not at all sure how to comfort Komaeda, he realizes with a strange pang of guilt. They have been…physically…intimate, but never really emotionally. He’s never really felt like they’ve opened up to each other that much, except for when Komaeda was telling him about his past. And even that, he isn’t sure how much of is true. Still, it feels like he should know what to do…but he doesn’t.

“W….We should…get back, shouldn’t we?” He loosely, awkwardly, loops one arm around Komaeda’s waist. Immediately after, though, Komaeda jumps back, and up to his feet.

“Ah! Y-You’re right…you could get struck by lightning…” He grabs the now sandy bag of towels, and drags Hinata as fast as he can back to Hinata’s cottage.

Thankfully, they get there without much incident. Though, once they do, Komaeda starts coughing up a storm of his own.

“U-Um…do you….need anything…?” He asks, feeling rather idiotic. Komaeda, however, shakes his head.

“O-Oh, no, I’m so sorry, H-Hinata-kun…just…a moment. I’m not used to running…” He trails off into a few more coughs, before standing up straight, looking out the window. The storm is still out there, and Hinata can’t help but feel like Komaeda is blaming himself for it.

“Um–”

“Ah…I’m sorry…Hinata-kun. While I was running here, I didn’t pull anything over my head…and I came right in with you…anyone could have seen.”

“I…” He starts, “I’ll think of an excuse later, okay?” He shakes his head slightly, still overwhelmed by the last ten minutes of his life. He brushes a strand of wet hair behind his ear, trying to absorb it.

Komaeda’s silent for a few more moments, watching the storm. His back is to Hinata, so he can’t see his face.

_I almost drowned._

_I almost died._

It’s a jarring thought. He shivers–not just from the cold, but also from the thought. Komaeda saved him.

It was strange to think about. He’d always been wary with Komaeda, at least a little, except when they were doing…that. He’s always thought, in the back of his mind, that it’s a very real possibility Komaeda was just trying to lure him into a false sense of security, and one of these nights he’s going to stab him while going down on him, taking advantage of the fact that Hinata hides their meetings from anyone.

_But, he saved my life…_

“Hey…um…” He doesn’t know what to say. He opens his mouth, then closes it. What on earth can he say…?

“I…should have listened to you…” He murmurs, looking up. Komaeda is still silent, but he’s shivering involuntarily. Hinata bites his lip, then picks up a towel and wraps it around his pale shoulders from the back.

“I thought you were going to die.” Komaeda says simply, turning around.

“Y-Yeah…so did I.” He murmurs, absently running his fingers down Komaeda’s arm. It’s really cold…

“But…um…you…saved me, right…?” He lifts his gaze, sounding hesitant. Komaeda hums softly, and turns away.

“We weren’t very far from shore. It wasn’t hard…” He murmurs, hair dripping onto his shoulder. “…I might not be able to next time.”

“Next time?”

“…Haha, you’re right…there shouldn’t be a next time, should there?” He’s silent for a moment, “I think we should stop hanging out, Hinata-kun.”

“…What…? You want to…?”

Komaeda’s always been more clingy, though he’s also apologized for it often, and whenever he asks to hang out, he always prefaces it with an apology. More often, Hinata asks, out of a strange magnetism that he’s not sure why the other has. He’s always said strange things, like saying he loves him so casually, or calling him beautiful, or at least his hope. It’s weird. But definitely clingy. For him to just want to stop…?

“Y-You shouldn’t be talking about that right now,” Hinata blurts out, even though he should be telling him to leave, or at least have this conversation first. “…We need to get warm, yeah? We’ll freeze…knowing you, you’re probably sick already. That’s why you’re saying this stuff.”

“…How do you propose we get warm? If we go under your blankets, they’ll be ruined by all this sand and dirt and water.”

His heart jumps in his throat. It’s possible, this is all some manipulation he’s cooked up to make him feel sorry for him, but at the same time…Hinata remembers the way he said his name, his real name, for the first time. He just…doesn’t think he’s faking this.

_Do I trust Komaeda? Is that why?_

“We…could…um…” He wraps his arms around Komaeda’s waist, feeling him tense up, “…we could…take a shower…” He tightens, just a little. “T-Together.”

Hinata rarely ever instigates their…encounters. Neither of them ever do, really. They just sort of…happen. It’s not that he doesn’t enjoy it, or anything. But he knows how much the explicit offer means to Komaeda. At least, if he picks up on it.

Komaeda’s silent for a while, still watching the storm, probably thinking about how his luck caused it, somehow.

“…If you don’t want to–”

“Would we just be showering?” Komaeda turns again, tilting his head. “Or, does nearly drowning turn you on, Hinata-kun?”

The teasing remark makes him flush, but it also relaxes him, subconsciously. This is a Komaeda he can deal with, at least somewhat.

“O-Of course not…” He sighs out, stroking his fingers over Komaeda’s stomach, feeling the skin shudder.

“Hmm.” He hums softly, “maybe you’re just turned on by seeing me half naked, Hinata-kun?”

“I-I don’t…” He huffs, plucking at the drawstrings of Komaeda’s swim shorts, “do you want to or not?” He’s starting to regret this offer, but Komaeda speaks up again.

“…If you want to, then I certainly do, Hinata-kun.” There is a lightness to his tone that tells him, yes, he does want to. Hinata exhales, then takes his hand and pulls him into the bathroom, turning on the hot water. Komaeda pulls him against him, back against his chest, while they’re waiting for the water to heat up.

“You’re all sandy, Hinata-kun. Not very sexy.” He teases, whispering in his ear. Hinata flushes, then his competitive nature kicks in, and he grinds his hips back against Komaeda’s, hearing him gasp in response.

“Ah - Hinata-kun -”

“You don’t sound like you care much, now.” He murmurs, slight superior tones to his voice. This is definitely part of the appeal - being able to render Komaeda speechless. When Komaeda whines, and strains his hips forward, Hinata breaks out of his grip. This draws another whine out of him, but Hinata is already up and testing the water.

“I think it’s warm enough.” He announces, shaking the water off his palm. He goes to take off his swimsuit, not really able to feel shame after all this time, but Komaeda reaches down, takes his hands in his slowly.

“Wait, Hinata-kun. I’ll do it for you.” He murmurs, face close to his. His hair smells like salt…

Then again, he’s rather aware that he probably smells the same, too. Like the sea.

“Uh…Okay…?” He murmurs, shivering as Komaeda smiles and kisses down his chest. His pale hand reaches behind his back, running up and down all the points of his spine. God, he doesn’t know why Komaeda is so good at this - part of him doesn’t want to know - but he’s always been this good. He starts nipping at the skin leading to his stomach, now, flicking out his tongue over the parts he knows by now are sensitive.

“ _Ko…maeda_ …” He feels himself sigh, hips rising as that mouth lowers down to his navel, over all the dips and curves, leaving slight marks that he doesn’t really want to call love bites, but he supposes they’re something like that.

He won’t be able to go swimming with the others now, at least until they fade. But that thought is quickly chased from his mind as Komaeda skips over the parts of his skin covered by the swimsuit, instead opting to move back slightly and lift up his foot. He dusts off the sand as best he can, before kissing it in the same lewd way he was just kissing his navel. That’s new, and Hinata jerks back, hitting his head on the wall, letting out a soft moan at the unfamiliar sensation. He’s hanging over the tub, now, eyes to the ceiling, feeling the steam from the heat rise up around him. He hears his breath hitch, more than he realizes he’s really making the noise.

That mouth moves up his leg, kissing everything; his shins, his knees, his thighs. By the time he gets to his swimsuit covered skin again, Hinata’s erection is already prominent, and his mind is getting hazy from breathing in the steam. He thinks he hears Komaeda whisper something in adoration, but he’s not sure. He does feel Komaeda slowly slip off his swimwear, the relief of the hot air hitting him instantly, before tossing it into the corner.

“Komaeda….we’re…gonna waste the water…” Hinata points out, face flushed. Komaeda looks up from between his legs, and smiles at him, though it seems almost sad, or melancholic.

“You’re right, Hinata-kun. Of course.” He pulls Hinata to his feet, then fumbles with his own swimsuit. Hinata hesitates, before helping him pull it off, tossing him in the same corner as his own. There’s an awkward moment where they just look at each other, take in their obviously aroused appearances. Komaeda’s cheeks are flushed, his eyes are dilated, and his lips are slightly parted, as if he needs the extra space to gather the air he needs.

His hair is all messed up, and sweat and water is running down his face in rivulets. Hinata moves without thinking, pulling the other boy close by looping his arm around his waist, and kisses him on the lips, hard and passionate. Komaeda seems surprised at first, which is always a bonus, but soon gives into the kiss. As Hinata pulls him into the actual shower, finally, he feels Komaeda push him against the wall, warm water rushing over them both.

Hinata hesitates, but moves his hands up almost on instinct to tangle in Komaeda’s hair. It’s such soft hair, and the softness of it is a contrast to the roughness of their kiss. He slips his tongue into Komaeda’s mouth, moving it around to touch and memorize all the corners of his mouth. His erection is throbbing again, and he whines softly, moving his hips around instinctively.

Sometimes, he still couldn’t believe he got into these situations with Komaeda. He remembers back during the first trial, when he laughed and manipulated them all. But then sometimes, he remembers the first time he saw him, on the beach looking down at him. _No one else waited for me. No one else cared._

Maybe that’s the part of Komaeda that he chooses to believe in. That he trusts.

But, it’s hard to think about trust right now when his mind is such a haze of pleasure and steam, But finally, Komaeda breaks the kiss for air, even though ten seconds of gasping later he’s right back to kissing Hinata’s ear, feeling him squirm in his grip, hearing the soft sounds Hinata makes. It’s so beautiful, to him.

“Hinata-kun,” he whispers urgently into his ear, rubbing his erection against the other’s bony hip. “Can I…” He halts, and Hinata looks over at him with a bleary, glazed over eye. What does he want…?

“I want to…I mean…” Komaeda sounds flustered, genuinely flustered, and it’s starting to distract Hinata from his throbbing pulses between his legs. Finally, Komaeda seems to make up his mind, and hitches Hinata’s legs up, looping his arms under his knees and balancing him against the slick wall.

“I…want to come inside of you, Hinata-kun.” He breathes into his ear, and instantly Hinata goes scarlet, the blood not heading towards his erection rushing towards his face. They…they’ve never gone that far, but…it’s not like he hasn’t thought about it. How it would feel like to fuck Komaeda, or how it would feel to be fucked by him. He shivers slightly, despite the warm water.

“Um…o…okay…”

“J-Just okay?” Komaeda sounds so concerned, so he tries to focus his eyes on his face, get a sense of what he’s thinking.

“I mean…” The throbbing between his legs starts anew again, and he moans, just barely, tilting his head back against the wall. “I…I’d like that…I think…”

Komaeda responds only by giving him a soft kiss to the side of his head, which worries Hinata more then anything else - he’s never that kind of affectionate. But before he can bring it up, Komaeda pulled some lotion from somewhere in the tub. He’s about to think it was lucky it was there…but that’s Komaeda, after all.

“Thank you very much, Hinata-kun, for letting me do something selfish like this,” his words are rushed, tripping over the usual apologies he says whenever he makes these rare requests. Hinata responds by flitting his gaze over to him, breathing still ragged.

“I…It’s not like I don’t want to, K-Komaeda.” He manages to say, but Komaeda merely shakes his head, and Hinata slumps against the wall in defeat. He sometimes feels like he can’t ever get through Komaeda’s self loathing complex.

Before he can respond anymore, though, he feels a lubed up finger enter him, Komaeda spreading his legs to make it easier. His breath hitches, and his head lolls to the side as Komaeda starts loosening him, moving the finger in and out slowly. When he adds a second finger, that’s when it starts to feel good, and he’s panting and moving his hips against Komaeda’s fingers, eyes screwed up in concentration.

“K-Komaeda…Komaeda…” He mumbles under his breath, only a slight feeling of shame and embarrassment remaining. Komaeda hums, but it’s unsteady thanks to his arousal, and knowing that makes Hinata moan softly again.

“Does it feel good, Hinata-kun?” He whispers in his ear, and Hinata nods steadily. It does. He would swear him and Komaeda have done this before, and that’s how he knows just how to move, just how fast to go to make Hinata a panting mess.

He remembers faintly that if that storm had never happened, he wouldn’t be feeling this good.

Maybe Komaeda’s luck does have more benefits.

Komaeda’s breathing is staggering in his ear, even as he pumps his fingers faster, trying to stretch him out as long as possible. But eventually, he whines and pulls his fingers out, grabbing the lube again.

“I-I’m sorry, Hinata-kun, I can’t wait any longer–”

“It - It’s okay…I don’t…want you to wait.” He wants to feel it, now, wants to feel Komaeda inside of him. His cock twitches at just the idea, of just the image, of just how he imagines it would feel, and he moans again. Komaeda gives him a look, before spreading lube over his own erection.

“I’m so sorry if it hurts, Hinata-kun.” He whispers into his ear, and he sounds in even more pain at the idea of hurting Hinata than Hinata is predicting he’s about to be in. He lifts his legs again, spreading them and using the wall of the bathtub as leverage, pins him to it. Hinata takes a deep breath, trying to relax as Komaeda slowly slides into him. It does hurt, but not as bad as he prepared for. He’s been through worse.

Still, though, he has to exhale slowly when Komaeda is finally all the way in, and he hears and feels Komaeda do the same, almost at the same moment. To get more leverage, more comfortable, he wraps his arms around Komaeda’s neck, breathing heavily against it.

“A-Ah…H-Hinata-kun…do you want me to stop–?”

“No…I really don’t…” Hinata closes his eyes, remembering the pain and panic in Komaeda’s voice when he thought he’d drowned, and rocks his hips down, letting out a noise that’s a combination of pleasure and pain at the sensation. Komaeda gasps, in both surprise and pleasure, then rocks his own hips, albeit slower and gentler. He can tell by the way he’s shifting that he’s trying to hit that place inside of Hinata that will make him melt utterly. _Komaeda…he’s always thinking of my pleasure first, whenever we do this…_

Being the Lucky Student that he is, of course, he finds the spot relatively quickly, making Hinata cling to him even tighter, legs wrapping around his hips and crossing at the ankles.

“K-Komaeda…!” He cries out, completely lost in the sea of pleasure as Komaeda proceeds to hit that place again, making him gasp. He tries to move his own hips back against him, but he doesn’t have enough leverage.

Still, his hazy, lust filled mind tells him to squeeze around Komaeda, which he does. His reward is a gasp that sends even more heat down to pool in his stomach. He wants to hear that again, but Komaeda’s voice just goes on as whines and soft noises.

“K….Komaeda…” He tries to speak, swallowing, “…y…you can be..as -ah- as l-loud as you want…” He breathes, “…t-the storm’s…still going on…I don’t think a-ah….-anyone will hear…”

That’s easily the hardest sentence he’s ever said in his life, punctuated by gasps and moans. He feels Komaeda tense up, slightly, and then relax, pounding into Hinata faster and faster, making them both cry out freely in pleasure.

Komaeda’s mouth is on his neck again, and Hinata tilts it back to let him do whatever he wants there. He can’t even think about how he’s going to explain this to the others, or if he’ll even try - he just knows it feels good, really good, and he doesn’t want it to stop.

How does Komaeda do this to him?

The only problem, is his erection is throbbing, twitching, and leaking precum, untouched and unstimulated. He wants to reach down and touch himself so badly, but he doesn’t think he can let go of Komaeda’s neck without falling. He whines, hearing Komaeda’s breathing pick up, trying to arch himself so he can at least brush up against Komaeda’s stomach. But the white haired boy seems to understand his problem, and reaches over with one of his hands supporting his thighs to stroke his erection firmly, making Hinata’s head smack against the tiles again, his hips jumping into Komaeda’s hand, trying to get everything he can out of those touches. But, it still feels like Komaeda is holding back.

“N….N…” He tries to speak, but his mind is such a haze, he doesn’t even know what he’s trying to say. Komaeda looks up at him, but before he can ask what’s wrong, he brushes a sensitive spot on Hinata’s erection, sending into a spiral of absolute pleasure.

“N - N…” He tries again, crying out, “N-Na - _Nagito!_ H-Harder…F-Faster…!” He hates sounding this submissive, normally, but normally he isn’t being fucked by a boy he thought he hated. Komaeda…Nagito…tenses slightly, pupils flaring, halting briefly, before he smashes his lips against Hinata’s, stroking him more with wild passion than with firm controlled movements, slamming into him as fast and hard as his body demands.

It’s perfect. Not having to worry about the killings, or the others finding out, or anything. Just focusing on the intense pleasure of being fucked against the bathroom wall by Nagito Komaeda. He wishes it could last forever. But, of course, it can’t.

With a final cry of, “ _Nagito!_ ” He comes without much other warning. Like a chain reaction, Komaeda comes only a few moments after, he can feel it inside of him. And he can hear, too, in his ear, a quiet, a hushed, but somehow very passionate and heated, “ _Hajime._ ”

It sounds like a love confession, just the way he says his name.

The spasms of pleasure in his body wear off, after a time, and him and Komaeda both go limp, water splashing around them. They’re dirty again, so they just sit there in silence, letting the now cold water clean off the evidence of their encounter, swirling it down the drain. He leans against Komaeda, feeling dizzy and lightheaded, but peaceful. The last thing on his mind, for once, is Komaeda murdering him.

“…We…should probably…dry off.” Hinata says, colour flowing into his cheeks as he realizes how shameless he sounded. Komaeda takes a few more moments to recover, but once he does stands up, pulling Hinata along.

It takes them a while to get dried off, but they help each other, toweling each others hair and face. Hinata finds that out of the dozens of pairs of pajamas in here, a few are big enough for Komaeda to wear.

“…Uh…the storm…it’s still going on, right…?” He asks, still feeling lightheaded even now as he pulls on boxers. Komaeda blinks, having already done the same, and looks out the window.

“…Yeah…”

“You should…uh…” He swallows, “you should stay here and sleep, then. I don’t want you to get sick in the rain, you know?”

Komaeda looks over at him, and his expression is completely unreadable. Hinata can’t even begin to guess what he’s thinking. Is he regretting it?

“…I think…I’d like that…” He says, and for some reason it sounds like he’s giving in and doing something terrible, rather than just accepting an offer to sleepover.

“…I, um, only have one pillow…but it isn’t small.” He murmurs, pulling Komaeda into the bed after they both have on sleeping clothes. He’s starting to feel sore, but mostly he just feels tired. And warm. He just wants to sleep, more then anything, right now, but…

“Hey…Komaeda…?”  
  


“…Yes, Hinata-kun?” He sounds just as tired as he is, so he tries to speak quickly.

“That was, uh…a good idea. The…idea you had.” The idea you had about fucking me, he might have said, but now that he wasn’t full of hormones and lust, that’s far, far too shameless for him to say.

Komaeda stills, then turns around so he’s facing Hinata in the bed.

“…I’m glad you think so.” He murmurs, reaching up a hand to reflexively rub his eyes.

“…Yeah…” He swallows again, “…g-good night, Komaeda.” He whispers softly, letting his heavy set eyes close. It’s right before he’s about to fall asleep that he receives a response, the last thing he hears before drifting off.

“…Goodnight.” There’s a brief silence, as if Komaeda isn’t sure of what to say. “…H-Hajime.”


	4. Fate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt for this one: Hinata catches Komaeda in chapter five, when Komaeda is finalizing his 'plan'. Warnings for Self-Harm, and Suicide just to be safe. Canon Divergence.

He was running around, just like everyone else, looking for those fucking bombs…! Fucking Komaeda, he couldn’t believe he was doing this. He’d known he was crazy, he’d known he was a jerk, he knew he looked down on him because of his reserve course status…but he hadn’t expected him to do this of all things. Bomb everyone, just to eliminate the traitor…! Maybe he had really lost it, though, from all the stress of all of this. He had mentioned deceit, distrust, and death in his motives for setting up the bombs. Admittedly, if all of the things he had said happened to him really did happen…well, maybe he couldn’t blame him for losing his sanity. **  
**

That didn’t mean that threatening to blow up everyone was _fucking reasonable,_ though.

As he was running along the fifth island, he spotted Kuzuryuu rushing in the other direction, looking as though he was looking for the other students, not bombs. He was about to call out to him, to ask what was up, but he was already too far away. He glanced at the warehouse, and ran up to one of the doors.

Komaeda wouldn’t hide his bombs in that big factory…that’s too obvious. So instead, he checked the door off to the side…but to his surprise, it seemed locked. Had Kuzuryuu not checked here, then…? Well, he decided to. Someone had to, after all.

He banged into it, and it gave way after two tries. He could hear music playing, weirdly enough, but it was when he looked in that he got really surprised. He saw a bunch of those ugly Monokuma Panels falling. Instinctively, he grabbed one, stopping it from knocking into the next one. He looked throughout the room, but he didn’t see any bombs, or anything that looked like a bomb. He did see an MP3 Player, though, and he quickly turned off that music that was honestly a contestant for the most painful thing he’d ever heard, next to Monokuma’s voice. As he looked around more, he saw a thick black curtain that just screamed ominous as he looked at it. Is it behind there?

Carefully, he stepped up to it. If it was a motion sensitive bomb…he could make it go off by flapping open the curtain. That thought stalled him for a few moments…but then he heard something from behind that curtain, something that sounded like…muffled screams?

What the fuck…

Too curious now, he took a deep breath and pulled open the curtain, only to cry out and fall backwards onto the floor from shock at what he saw.

Komaeda…he…he was tied up? Tied up and gagged, with one hand free. A dangling spear was above him, swinging dangerously, but the thing that had made Hinata cry out was the fact that he had been jamming a knife - a hunting knife, meant for cutting through thick animal hides - right into his thighs, hard. He was so shell-shocked by what he was seeing, that he couldn’t breathe as he lifted the knife out. It seemed like Komaeda was in too much pain to notice Hinata; his eyes were glazed over and brimming with tears of pain, some of them sliding down his cheeks. It was as if he was watching a train crash; he really couldn’t move, even as Komaeda lifted the knife again…

“Mmph-gah!” The scream of agony was muffled, but Hinata could still hear the pain in the attempted vocalization. Komaeda smashed his head back in response to the agony, and Hinata saw fresh tears lace his eyes. Komaeda shook his head back and forth compulsively, whining coming from behind the tape, before, to Hinata’s horror, he twisted the knife in his leg, making him attempt to scream again.

“Komaeda!” This time he did react, yelling out and scrambling on his hands and knees over to Komaeda, grabbing his wrist after he pulled the knife out of his thigh. Komaeda took a moment to react, then looked over at Hinata strangely. Hastily, Hinata ripped off that tape.

“Wh…What the fuck…? Komaeda…what the fuck are you…” He couldn’t even ask; he just took the knife out of Komaeda’s grasp with a strong grip, tossing it aside. Komaeda coughed.

“H-Hinata-kun…ahaha….you need…need to get out of here.” He rasped, voice fraught with aftershocks of pain, but Hinata shook his head violently.

“No! Fuck, no….Komaeda…what are you doing to yourself…? Why…?”

“I deserve it, Hinata-kun. You wouldn’t understand.” And he laughed, and that was the most horrible thing of all, Hinata looked over his body - fuck, he was losing _so much fucking blood -_

“You deserve it too, Hinata-kun. I found out the truth. Which is why …you have to leave. And let me continue. It’s…for hope. I have to.” He nodded. Hinata decided to shut out Komaeda’s voice, focusing on untying him.

“Hey, Hinata-kun.” He spoke softly, “…what do you think would happen if I let go of this spear?”

For a moment, Hinata didn’t want to listen. But he couldn’t stop himself from looking up…and there was the spear, dangling above them. He hadn’t noticed the cord connected to it before, but when his eyes trailed down, he saw that it was connected to the weird plug in Komaeda’s hand. Everything clicked for him in a matter of seconds. If Komaeda let go of that spear, it would slice right through Hinata’s back and into Komaeda’s chest. Fuck!

“I don’t know if this would be so bad…it’s not entirely according to plan, but…” Komaeda was slurring, likely from blood loss. “Before I found out who you really were, you were my favourite, Hinata-kun. This way, I could take out at least one Super High School Despair…and I don’t think I’d mind dying with you. Unless, you’re the traitor…” He let the spear drop a little, and Hinata yelped, instinctively pressing himself against Komaeda to shield him without even thinking. But the impact from the spear never came, and soon, he felt his body relax. Shifting his eyes over, he could tell Komaeda had grabbed the spear’s cord before it killed both of them. _Jesus fuck, what is he talking about…? Super High School Level Despair…? What?_

“That’s…interesting.” Komaeda was still slurring, and it was getting worse. “Why didn’t you jump out of the way, Hinata-kun? Why did you go to protect me instead? Lowly garbage like me?”

“I…I…” He had no idea what to answer that question with. It had just been instinct. Quick as a shot, though, he thrust his hand forward, grabbed the cord above Komaeda’s grip. Ignoring his protests, he yanked on it, raising the spear again. Carefully, he stood, and reached up with his other hand, grabbing the spear and pulling it down, throwing it to the side.

“…Huh. It looks like my plan failed.” Komaeda sounded incredibly out of it, and dizzy. Hinata quickly realized that he probably barely had any idea what was going on at this point, and was going to die of blood loss at this rate. He scrambled to untie him, then glanced around helplessly. Eventually, he cursed, and tugged off Komaeda’s jacket, ripping it to Komaeda’s chargin.

“Hinata-kun, that’s my favourite jacket…” He murmured, as if that fucking mattered at this point. Hinata shook his head, ripping it into strips, then wrapping them around Komaeda’s thighs, trying to keep in the blood, stop the bleeding. He’d completely forgotten about the bombs at this point, which was why the sound of firecrackers going off made him jump.

“…Jeez. I couldn’t even do this right…can’t even die right…” Komaeda laughed, lowly, “how absolutely unfair…my luck truly is awful.” He spoke with such self loathing that it made Hinata shudder. Hastily, he lifted Komaeda as best he could, hanging his arm over his shoulders. He walked out of the warehouse with Komaeda, then called out as soon as he was out.

“Guys! I need some help if you can hear!” He yelled loudly, looking around helplessly for a few moments. Then, like a miracle, all of the others came out of the factory, gasping at what they saw.

“H-Hinata-san, what - “

Yeah, it probably looked like quite a sight, Komaeda draped over him, barely conscious, covered in blood.

“He…he was hurting himself…I don’t know why, but he was…we…we need to get him to the hospital…now…or he’s going to die!”

The others looked at them both in wonder, but Nanami was the first one to move, walking up on the other side of Komaeda, and draping his arm over her shoulders. “Let’s go, Hinata-kun.” She said with determination. He nodded, and slowly, all of them started walking towards the third island. Komaeda struggled, but it was weak, and not very effective.

“Get your…filthy hands off me, reserve course student…” He mumbled, sounding nearly delirious. “Can’t believe…I ever really…loved someone like you, Hinata-kun.” And then thankfully, he passed out. The others looked at him strangely at that last part, but Hinata changed the subject before they could think on it, hoping they’d dismiss it as delirious ravings.

“D…Did you guys…find the bombs?”

“…Yes, and no.” Nevermind twirled a lock of her hair, “…there were never really any bombs. It was all fireworks. After we found that out, we found a message telling us all to go to the warehouse. We were about to head there, when we heard you.” She explained.

There’d…never been any bombs…?

_Komaeda…what were you…trying to do…?_

When they get to the hospital, he’s very grateful to find out that Kuzuryuu learned about blood transfusions and other medical needs from Tsumiki during the Disease Despair. He sits, hands shaking terribly as they all look over medical books, trying to figure out a way to save Komaeda’s life. But, eventually -

“Why are we even bothering?” Souda suddenly snapped, standing up, “the guy threatened to blow us all up! So what if he’s hurting himself? I’m sure that was for some crazy ass plan, too!”

But before he finishes the last word, Nevermind gives him an icy look.

“Komaeda may have difficulties. But every human being deserves life, Souda. We are not gods, to decide to throw aside his life, to not try and help him. Understand?”

Hinata would never have defied her after that. She sounded so persuasive, even though he already agreed with her. Souda clicked his tongue, then looked down at the papers again. Kuzuryuu, thankfully, slipped in a few moments later, shifting his tie after tossing blood stained gloves into the garbage.

“…I did the best I could. But you guys have been researching for hours. One of you should go check, just to make sure I didn’t fuck it up.” He clicked his tongue, distastefully.

“I’ll go.” Nevermind and Hinata said in unison. Nevermind, it seemed, was who most people were expecting, and they looked at Hinata with surprise when he spoke up. Nevermind looked at him, however, with a strange, knowing look in her eyes.

“You may come with me, Hinata-san. It would be best if we had two pairs of eyes, I think.” Souda protested briefly, but Nevermind paid him no mind. Hinata nodded slowly, following the Super High School Level Princess through the halls.

“Hinata-san…you seem quite shaken up by this ordeal.” She asked him, still clicking her heels down the hall. “More than the rest of us, for certain.”

“I…I mean…” He lowers his gaze, “…I found him…you know. Stabbing a knife through his legs over and over. It was…it was unbelievable.” He confessed, slipping his hands into his pockets.

“…I was thinking about….what Komaeda-san said. I know it is not any of my business, but…he said he loved you.”

“Ah…” Hinata felt a rush of blood go over his face, realizing what she thought, “…n-no…it’s not like that. To be honest…I don’t know why he said that.”

“…I see.” She spoke carefully, “forgive me for assuming things, then.”

They slipped into Komaeda’s room, and there he was, on the hospital bed again. This time, he had an IV in his arm, filtering in blood. Komaeda’s blood type was there, in their report cards, thank the gods, so they hadn’t messed that up.

He was still sleeping, and while Nevermind looked over his body and wounds, and the tube giving him blood, Hinata found his face drawn to Komaeda’s own face. He could still remember the look of agonizing pain that had flashed over it over and over…

“Hinata-san?”

“Ah…yeah? Anything wrong?”

“I don’t think it is quite the best that could be done, but it will keep him alive. I had suggested strapping him down, however. It may not be the most ethical course of action, but if he tries to hurt himself again when he wakes up…”

“Ah…yeah…that’s a good idea.” Hinata nodded absently, and helped her use the straps normally used for mental health patients to make sure Komaeda wouldn’t be able to hurt himself when he got up.

“…Can I stay with him?” He found himself blurting out, suddenly, and Nevermind looked over to him in surprise. But, quicker than Hinata would have thought, she nodded.

“Of course, Hinata-san. I’ll tell the others.”

“Thanks…and…you guys should probably try and look around. Maybe someone else should stay here, but…he might have had something else planned, you know?” He could never tell with Komaeda.

“Perhaps. I’m not sure if that’s a good idea - everyone seems exhausted.” She sounded exhausted, too, even though she also still sounded like a princess. He just nodded, feeling exhausted himself, and heard her heels clacking as she left. He slumped in the chair, looking over Komaeda.

_What did you mean, Super High School Level Despair? What does that even mean?_ Hinata had never heard of such a talent, before, let alone if that could even be considered a talent. As he watched Komaeda breathe in and out steadily, he found himself wondering so many things.

It took an hour or so, and Hinata almost fell asleep, when Komaeda stirred again. Blinking his eyes awake, he watched as Komaeda did the same.

“What…?” He mumbled, and Hinata saw him try to move, then groan as he realized he couldn’t.

“Komaeda? You’re awake?” He stood up, feeling a burst of energy return to him. Komaeda looked over at him, with a glazed over look to his eyes. Yet still, somehow, he could see distaste and disgust in those eyes.

“…Why are _you_ here?” He mumbled, head lolling to the side, and Hinata was reminded of how alarming he was, how fucking crazy he was. He swallowed.

“I…was waiting for you to wake up, Komaeda.” He said, biting his lip, and Komaeda looked at him for a moment, before laughing again.

“I can’t..believe this. What horrible, horrible luck…” He jerked against the straps, and Hinata moves forward to try and instinctively stop him.

“Hey, take it easy…you got…you got really hurt…” He mumbles, unsure of what to say exactly. “Just relax, okay?”

“…Whatever.” Komaeda cursed, lolling his head to the other side. “Get out of here. I don’t want to see your disgusting face. It makes me sick.”

Hinata shuddered; he’d heard Komaeda say similar things about him, in this very room, when he’d had the despair disease. He’d been lying then…but now he knew he wasn’t.

“…I want to know what you were talking about, Komaeda.” He says in a tone that’s much stronger than how he really feels. “And I want to know…why you hurt yourself like that…were you that desperate to lead out the traitor? That angry?”

  
“I’m not angry at them.” He mumbled in response, still trying to break through the straps. “…You have no idea, Hinata-kun. Not a clue.”

“Then…then explain it to me!” He practically yelled, surprised by his own tone of voice. But he was so tired…so tired of not being able to understand Komaeda. And despite how fucked up and crazy he was, he didn’t deserve to kill himself, or whatever he’d been trying to do.

“…You don’t want to know, Hinata-kun.” He gave a sigh, “I guess you’re really not the traitor…what a shame…”

“…Komaeda. Just…just explain for once. This isn’t a game anymore - you almost died.”

Komaeda hummed softly, looking away. “The traitor isn’t the bad guy, Hinata-kun. We were wrong about that.” He laughed again, that sick, self loathing laughter, “we’re the bad guys, Hinata-kun. We’re the monsters.”

Hinata-kun’s blood ran cold as ice at that statement. “W-What are you…talking about?”

“I told you, you didn’t want to know. You really are weak; you can’t even face the truth.”

“Komaeda, stop…just explain. I can face it.”

Komaeda hums, looks over his face carefully. “Do you remember…how during the first trial, you said you had trusted me, and I broke your trust?”

“W-What does that have to do with - “

“That’s how I feel right now, Hinata-kun. How I’ve been feeling since I went through that room.” He laughed again, but it sounds like half a sob, “I trusted you, you know? I thought we were similar, and you were so nice to me even if you got angry sometimes. You still bothered to talk to me, try and understand me, even though I was worthless and disgusting. You made me feel at ease, like you really were the Super High School Level Serenity. I really, really loved you, Hajime Hinata.” Hinata jerked back, face going scarlet at Komaeda’s words, but he trampled on, oblivious.

“If it had just been you being a reserve course student…I don’t know, maybe I could have dealt with that. I was the worst of the main course, so maybe we weren’t really that far apart, you know? But what else I found out, about all of us…”

“…What are you talking about? S-Start making sense…”

“…We destroyed the world, Hajime Hinata. All of us, except the traitor. We were Super High School Level Despair, and we destroyed almost everything.”

What?

What?

“What are you…what?”

Komaeda laughed, and again it sounded like half a sob, “I didn’t want to believe it either! All of the hopes of the world…falling to despair? That was impossible…but it happened. It’s true. I’m certain of it.” He looked over at Hinata. “…Do you believe me, Hinata-kun? Or do you think I’m a filthy liar?”

“I…I…” Hinata backed up, until his back hit against the door. “…That’s…how could something like that happen…? The…the end of the world? How could…” It just didn’t make any sense. The pieces wouldn’t even fit together in his head. It was too far apart from what he thought was even possible.

“It’s true. But, I wouldn’t blame you for not believing me. It seems like you’re a coward, Hajime Hinata.”

Hinata bit his lip, then pulled open the door and ran into the hall, Komaeda’s sick laughter following him. No. No. He wouldn’t believe it. Komaeda was wrong, or lying.

That couldn’t be the truth. Maybe he was a coward, Like Komaeda said but…

He wouldn’t believe it. There was no way.

No way.


	5. Library

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Hinata is a library assistant, and Komaeda is a student who comes in far too often to just be here for the books. HPA doesn't exist!AU

He doesn’t trust this boy, not anymore. With his carefree smile, occasionally half lidded eyes that are directed at him incredibly suggestively - he may be a touch naive, but he knows what that look means. He’s seen people give each other that look before, though it’s never been directed at him before.

When he first met him, he seemed like a nice boy, if a bit odd. He’d come in every other day for about three months, making small talk that at first seemed harmless enough. He was still somewhat relaxing to be around because of that, despite his oddness. When Hinata had signed up for the library committee, he knew he’d probably run into a few weird characters, and Nagito Komaeda was far from the worst of them. But he was starting to become… not aggravating, but frustrating.

But there wasn’t really anything he could do about it.

There were only a few other students in the library, and most of them were studying on their own. Hinata was looking over inventory, to make sure no one was stealing any books, when he heard his quiet, purposeful voice next to him again.

“Ah - Hinata-kun, you’re here again today.” The cheerful voice drifts into his ears, and he turns to see the aforementioned student standing right there. It’s getting to be autumn, so instead of the school uniform he usually sees him wear, he’s sporting an ugly green jacket, with a hood so big he supposes it’s probably large enough to hold in all of Komaeda’s unruly looking hair. He frowns, slightly.

“Yeah, I told you before, I’m here Tuesdays and Fridays, Komaeda,” he says briskly, and Komaeda laughs in response, almost apologetically.

“Ah, it seems I forgot,” he tilts his head, but he’s looking at him with that same, half-lidded look. A look that tells him that he didn’t forget at all. After a moment, he tears his eyes away.

“Remember it this time,” he murmurs, slipping a book back onto the shelf. “Now, what do you need today?”

He’s absolutely positive that Komaeda never actually comes here for books, at this point. He’s just here to talk to him–which would be somewhat flattering if it weren’t for that look in his eyes and the fact that he’s taking books without any intention of reading them, just to get his kicks seeing the library assistant.

Komaeda hums, tilts his head to the side. “I brought back the books I read, Hinata-kun, and I was thinking of getting some more, if you’d help me track some down… .”

He huffs, and looks down at the books in Komaeda’s hands. They’re all books he himself has read, coincidentally enough. Huh. Maybe that gives him an opportunity.

“Really. You read all these in just _three_ days?” he huffs, looking over the covers and backs. Komaeda doesn’t seem to catch his irritated tone, and laughs sheepishly.

“It’s a bit weird, I guess. But I have to wait in the waiting room at the infirmary often, so usually I read a lot there!”

He has to go to the infirmary a lot? Now that he looks more closely at him, he can definitely see he’s kind of sickly looking… but he’s never really looked that sick before now… maybe it’s the autumn air creeping into their town.

“…Really.” He shakes his head. “Well, I’m not sure you’ve read all these books, but I have.” He says triumphantly, and is very pleased to see just a flicker of surprise in Komaeda’s eyes. But it’s short lived, and he goes back to that seductive look again.

“Ah, I should have known you would have good taste, Hinata-kun.” He smiles that carefree smile again. “It’s kind of lucky that we read the same kind of books, don’t you think? I did think we were similar when I first met you.”

_Similar? Me and Komaeda?_

He shakes his head, distracting himself from that. “N-Never mind that. The point is, you’ve been taking out so many books that I’m not sure you’re really reading them all. Maybe you come here for… a different reason.” It does seem a bit egotistical to admit that he thinks he’s coming to see _him_ , after all. “So I’m going to test you, since I remember these books.”

“Hmm?” Komaeda tilts his head to the side, carefree smile on his face, as if he isn’t bothered at all by this, as if he isn’t being put on the spot to remember something from books Hinata is convinced he didn’t actually read. But Hinata isn’t going to fall for that act.

He doesn’t remember these books as well as he may like, but he’s able to throw a few sporadic questions about the plot and characters at Komaeda. To his shock, though, Komaeda answers them all patiently, and accurately, even correcting him on a few mistaken details.

He… he really is reading them?

_So he doesn’t come here to see me?_

“Hinata-kun, I think that’s enough of the quiz show,” Komaeda murmurs, twisting a finger through his cloud coloured hair. “It’s fun, but I don’t think you have any questions left.”

“I… .” He shakes his head, going over to the computer behind the desk. Komaeda hums, and hesitates a few moments before following. Hinata enters in his login information, waiting for the computer to boot up before scrolling his mouse around.

“Hinata-kun, what are you doing?” Komaeda murmurs, crossing his arms. “Watching you so passionate and riled up is definitely fun, but I _would_ really like some books.”

“We’ll see,” he shoots back, almost too annoyed to keep his voice down. Finally, he raises his hand.

“Give me your card.”

“Oh… alright.” Komaeda reaches into his pocket and pulls it out - it’s not even in a wallet or anything, just in that ugly jacket’s pocket. Hinata rolls his eyes, and runs the numbers through the machine. Streams of data pop up, from currently taken out books to a list of all the ones he’s ever taken out. Scrolling through the data with a very determined look on his face, he’s surprised at how long it is. Komaeda really does come in here a lot… .

He’s even more surprised though, when he realizes that the dates start to go back further than the day he signed up here.

“Huh?” He looks up at Komaeda, who’s giving him a sideways look of expectancy. “You’ve been coming here since before I worked here…?”

Komaeda looks surprised, but again, it’s only for a brief moment. Then he nods. “Of course, Hinata-kun. I told you I needed to read in waiting rooms a lot, after all!”

“O-Oh?” Well, now he feels like an idiot. Face slightly red, he slides the card across the desk, watching Komaeda pick it up smoothly with long, pale, and slender fingers.

“… Hinata-kun, did you think I just came here to see you?” Komaeda asks, hitting the rather obvious nail right on the head. Hinata flinches slightly, but shakes his head in denial.

“O-Of course not!” It’s almost a little too loud, for a denial that’s genuine. But Komaeda seems to take it, anyway.

“Ah, how foolish of me to assume, Hinata-kun.” The boy brushes his fingers over his forehead, swiping back a few strands of stray hair. “Of course you wouldn’t care whether someone like me came to see you at all. That wouldn’t even cross your mind, would it? Forgive me for thinking such a thing.”

“Wh–” He’s turning this situation around, somehow, making Hinata feel like the bad guy.

“The truth is, I don’t come here just to see you, but… .” He trails off slightly. “Sometimes I do ask you for help even though I don’t need it, just to talk to you.” He laughs, as if he’s laughing at himself as he says it. “Sorry! You probably didn’t want to know something disgusting like that! I can go now–”

“I-I don’t… think it’s disgusting,” he murmurs, trying to keep his voice down. And really, it isn’t… the look he gives him is weird, and makes Hinata feel… odd, but… . “… S-sorry… I was just mad ‘cause I thought… you were taking out books just to talk to me when other people could be reading them, you know?” His face goes red, and he runs a hand over the unruly lock of hair on top of his head, feeling it snap back up after he lifts it.

“Ah… .” Komaeda beams, that wide carefree smile overtaking his face again. “Such a responsible library assistant, Hinata-kun! How admirable, how beautiful, of you to be so concerned–!”

“Woah, hey, quiet down.” He glances around nervously, feeling himself go even more scarlet as he sees a few students giving them strange looks.

“Oh… I’m sorry, Hinata-kun. You’ll get in trouble if I’m too loud, won’t you?” Komaeda lowers his hands.

“Y-Yeah… .” He sighs, brushing back his hair. “Look, you don’t have to like, come down to the library while I’m working to spend time with me, you know?”

“Ah… I’m sorry, Hinata-kun. I just knew there was no other way you’d spend time with trash like me, so–”

“You could have just asked.” He leans back, shaking his head. Komaeda looks at him, apparently confused.

“Look, I’m usually here for a few more minutes after school, closing and cleaning up. If you want to come by… maybe we could… go somewhere?” He doesn’t know why it sounds like a question, or even really why he’s saying it at all. But there’s something kind of… cute isn’t the word he wants to use, but… .

There’s something… about the way Komaeda looked when he admitted he liked to talk to him that made him somewhat strangely, appealing.

“Y-You mean that, Hinata-kun?” Komaeda hums thoughtfully. “Well, if you’re sure you want to spend your time with garbage like me, I suppose I wouldn’t mind a date.”

“H-Hey, wait, who said anything about a dat–”

“I’ll see you after school, Hinata-kun!” He laughs, and before Hinata can get around the desk to stop him, he’s gone, much faster than he thought the sickly boy could move. At least he was lucky enough that Komaeda had been quiet enough that no one else heard.

Geez… . A date with Nagito Komaeda…?

He supposes… things could be worse. Much worse… .


	6. Memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Komaeda waking up from a nightmare, that's really a memory of his time as despair. Post-sdr2 (written before side:hope)

He didn’t want to remember. He already knew, he’d already read all the horrible things he did, directly to spread despair. The only solace was knowing that he wasn’t the only one to do such horrific things. But his self loathing had still increased to levels he didn’t know were possible.

After all, every time he looked at his wrist, at the stump wrapped in bandages, it was like a slap in the face.

They’d had their memories taken from them - Komaeda usually wasn’t one to run from despair. It would find him, _**always**_ find him, always drag him through the seemingly endless cycle that was dark despair and brighter hope. But these memories…he didn’t want to fully remember. When he’d first woke, he’d been hysterical, apparently. Hinata told him about it later, looking at him with that look of pity people gave him whenever they learned about one of the tragic things that had happened to him.

Hinata had started giving him that look before. It was one of the reasons he’d lied, saying he wasn’t sick. Well, he knew he was really sick now. The scans were there for everyone to see…

He hated this.

He hated the nightmares most of all.

Hinata had gotten into habit of sleeping with him, probably because most nights, more often than not, Komaeda tended to sneak out to the beach, staying out there in his pajamas until he got sick. Hinata never liked that. He told him that getting sick just made his illnesses worse.

That went without saying.

This nightmare was of her.

That also went without saying.

The Super High School Level Despair…she’d broken him. He hated remembering it. He hated reliving it in his nightmares, unable to control his dreaming avatar.

He hated himself.

This dream was of after she’d died. Komaeda had seen it on the monitor, watched knowingly. Of course she would lose, though he found it hard to believe she had lost to just an ordinary boy. An ordinary boy that was hailed as being the Super High School Level Hope. That was only fitting; he’d defeated the Super High School Level Despair…of course he would be called the Super High School Level Hope. But, at the moment, he wasn’t going to try and meet him. Maybe later.

No, now he felt a pull to do something else.

Maybe it was the brainwashing. Maybe it was some trigger within him she’d set. He wouldn’t be surprised. But he found himself heading to the remnants of Hope’s Peak Academy, a box under his arm. He found her, half of her body crushed into pieces, blood and guts and bodily fluids splattered over the ground. Humming happily, he stepped through the viscera, kneeling next to one of her arms, still mainly intact. _Lucky._

He opened the box next to him, and lifted the heavy metal chainsaw, letting it roar to life. He cut off her hand, letting the blood splatter all over him, feeling the saw cut so easily through her wrist, as if she was just a doll and not the embodiment of despair. He had to do this, though. He could channel her despair, use her, use that despair as a stepping stool for greater hope…

She just had to become part of him.

The hand was cut off, cleanly. Now came the harder part - his own hand. He pulled off his jacket, letting the blood from the rest of her body stain into it. He propped himself up on one arm, then used the other to hold up the saw.

He was so weak, he couldn’t even stand the nightmare for even a few moments after the mechanical saw started slicing through his skin.

“Nagito, calm down!” He could hear Hinata calling him, and he blinked his eyes open, feeling wetness on his cheeks, feeling hands holding down his wrists as his body still thrashed, half his mind still lost in the throes of a nightmare.

“…Nagito…? C-Can you hear me?” Hinata voice sounded urgent, but tired. _Ah, I woke up Hinata-kun for such a childish reason…_

“…I can…I can hear you…” His voice sounded strained, and his eyes drifted over to where one of Hinata’s hands was holding down his stump, instinctively. The sight, remembering now where it came from, made him want to just throw up right there.

“Good…” The relief was palpable in Hinata’s voice, and he felt a soft hand cup his cheek, soft lips kiss his forehead. The gestures of affection Hinata gave him never affected him as much as they should. If he’d been back in the simulation, he would have probably jumped for joy each time Hinata even touched him. Here, and now, there was nothing. Probably because he was convinced Hinata-kun just felt sorry for him, and that was the only reason he acted in such a manner. Or maybe he was just desperately lonely and traumatized himself, after the game. Why else would he touch trash like him, after all? He was the worst of the worst.

“…You…you wanna talk about it…?” He asks hesitantly, and Komaeda could feel his breath against his skin. He breathed in, eyes drawn to his stump again. “That…one seemed worse than the others…”

“…I…know how I lost my…hand now, Hinata-kun.” He explains vaguely, still staring at it - or at least, at the stump. He heard Hinata let out a shocked sigh in a rush, air coming out in pitying waves.

_**He hated this.** _

“I’m…I’m sorry, Nagito.” Hinata mumbles, brushing aside a few locks of Komaeda’s hair. Komaeda still looked away, fixated on the bundle of bandages, trying to avoid the pity he knew would be in Hinata’s gaze.

“Why are you sorry about that? I did it to myself. It’s my own fault,” He murmurs half-heartedly, body feeling numb and cold.

“…Nagito…” Hinata sounds lost. He always sounds lost, or angry, or like he’s trying to be helpful but it’s hard. Hard for him.

“…Hinata-kun. I don’t know why we’re alive.” He found himself saying, turning his head slowly to meet Hinata’s gaze. His hands are still beside his shoulders, knees next to his hips. Hinata blinks in surprise, then that look of helplessness floods his gaze again.

“We’re alive because we wanted to look to the future, Nagito. To have our own futures this time. To not let anyone choose for us again.” Hinata explains patiently.

“That’s wrong. We’re alive because that was what you wanted, Hinata-kun. The others who were in comas didn’t get a chance to decide.” His light eyelids fall, slightly, eyes half lidded. Lashing out helps. Even if it’s cruel. Even if he hates himself for it, after, it helps in the moment. “Seems like you’re the one who chose our futures for us, Hinata-kun.”

Hinata jerks back, surprised at the cruel words. Not as surprised as he gets, sometimes. He’s used to Komaeda lashing out, or at least he thinks he is. He knows it hurts, though, and waves of regret wash over him. _I’m so disgusting._

“…Would you rather I just let you die, Komaeda?” Ah, he’s back to calling him that…the previous intimacy is gone. “That’s…that’s not a choice. I wasn’t just going to sit back and let you destroy yourself!”

“But that’s the future I wanted for myself, Hinata-kun.”

“That isn’t a future at all!”

He stays silent to that, feeling self loathing roll around in his stomach. Hinata could never understand what it’s like to live like this. He has an excuse. ‘It wasn’t me’, he can say, ‘it was Izuru Kamukura’. He doesn’t say that. But he has the choice. No one else has that choice, and it makes all the difference in the world.

“…You…really wanted to die…” Hinata murmurs, as if the realization is just now fully hitting him.

“I still want to die, Hinata-kun. You know that - ”

He’s cut off by lips harshly pressing against his own. Their kisses are usually like this, harsh and desperate. He wonders if Hinata also had a nightmare wrapped in memory like his tonight, and that’s making him more desperate to _feel_ again. He doesn’t move his lips, though, and eventually Hinata seems to register that, and pulls away. Glancing away, like he’s ashamed of what he just did. He should be. Komaeda knows he doesn’t deserve such affections.

“…I’m glad you’re alive, Nagito.” He murmurs softly.

“Only because you were sick of seeing death everywhere in the program.”

“No…not just because of that. I believe in you, Nagito. Why can’t you see that?” Hinata’s looks at him with a desperate helplessness.

“You shouldn’t believe in someone like me.” He’d said that so many times. He was tired of saying it. He was tired of believing it.

Hinata looks lost for words, again. He looked down, biting his lip just slightly, and then looks up.

“…Nagito. Why don’t we go for a walk on the beach?”

…That’s out of the blue. He looks up in surprise, honestly expecting to be told he misheard. “…You don’t usually like me going out at night.” He murmurs, looking over him somewhat suspiciously. It would be a more effective suspicious look if he could actually muster up the energy.

“If you bundle up, you should be okay.” He pulls away, shrugging on his own jacket - Hinata does look really good in that jacket. It’s an observation that he can’t help passing through his mind.

He licks his lips, slightly, just to taste Hinata’s desperation again.

“…If you want to.” He sighs, watching Hinata stand up and get dressed. He sits up, and shuffles his jacket on. It’s hard, with one hand, but he manages well enough. The pants are a bit trickier, but Hinata helps him with that. He hates that. It feels like pity.

“It doesn’t look too cold out…come on. You must try to go out there every night for a reason, right?” Hinata murmurs, leading him out of their room. Komaeda shrugs absently. He doesn’t have some big profound reason - Hinata is probably thinking it’s something to do with seeing hope, but really Komaeda doesn’t think he deserves hope anymore. He just likes the sound of the waves, watching the moon’s reflection flicker on the inky water. It’s strange, but peaceful in a way.

The beach isn’t far. Hinata tries to talk on the way there, but eventually gets the hint that Komaeda doesn’t want to talk at the moment, and stays silent, the heaviness of the night seeping over them without distraction.

“We first met here in the program, didn’t we?” Hinata points out, once they get there. Komaeda slowly looks up and around, then nods.

“…That feels like a lifetime ago,” is all he says, because it does. Back then…back before he knew anything. Back when he thought Hinata was just some cute boy, and he wanted to help him find his talent. Back when Hinata had thanked him for waiting for him on the beach. Before the death, the false hope and deep despair, before he’d found that file. Before he died.

“…Would you go back to that time? If you had a choice?” Hinata asks, making Komaeda look up again. “…Is that why you come here?”

Hinata’s trying to understand him again. It’s almost cute. It would be cute, if it wasn’t such a fruitless endeavor.

“It’s nothing like that. I just like it here,” he replies softly, subconsciously rubbing against the wrappings that cover up his stump. He presses it, hard, just to feel the pain. It’s some weird compulsion. He deserves it, though.

He remembers the feeling of the roaring chains cutting into his skin, and wobbles slightly on his feet, only to feel Hinata steady him by his shoulders, grabbing his wrist and pulling it off his stump. It’s like he can feel his fingers, feel his wrist muscles contract as if to close his fist, but he has no fist there to close. They dysphoria is annoying, the instincts of nearly twenty years too hard to overcome.

“H-Hey, cut that out,” Hinata says, voice thick with disapproval. “We should work on getting you a prosthetic, or something…”

“I don’t want one.” I don’t deserve one, he means, and Hinata knows it. He knows that much, at least.

“…You keep saying that.” Hinata sighs, then pulls him along the shoreline, sitting at the edge. Komaeda hesitates, before sitting next to him, taking his feet out of his shoes, and dipping the sock covered feet in the water, feeling the tide rush up and down.

“You’re going to ruin those socks, you know,” Hinata murmurs, looking over at him. Komaeda merely shrugs half-heartedly.

“I don’t care. I like the way it feels,” he says honestly, feeling the fabric quickly soak and cling to his feet.

Hinata huffs, turning away and looking at the tide. Komaeda wonders why they’re here. He wonders why he doesn’t just throw himself into the water. Well, he knows why. Hinata would either stop him, or his luck wouldn’t let him die.

His luck wouldn’t let him die, even when he had that death sentence of a terminal illness hanging him like a noose. He just kept gasping for air and sputtering, without actually finally dying. That was fitting.

“…Do…you want to talk about your dream?” Hinata asks, predictably. Komaeda looks up, seeing those red eyes stare at him with hesitation.

“There’s not much to say. I just remembered cutting my own hand off. I woke up before I could replace it with her’s, though,” he says nonchalantly, as if he were talking about what he’d eaten for breakfast that morning. “…What about you? What was your dream?”

“My dream…?”

“Hinata-kun, you’re almost never that desperate if you haven’t had a nightmare, too,” he points out, looking over at him. “Or am I wrong? I wouldn’t be surprised if I was.”

Hinata is silent, and Komaeda waits patiently, feeling his socks get wetter and wetter. It’s harder for Hinata, he knows. He can’t remember everything from before, probably because of the disconnect between personalities, or the disconnect of how he’s technically not supposed to even exist as he is, really. It’s a miracle that he can talk to Hinata at all. An incredible burst of good luck.

So, when he does have nightmares of before, they tend to affect him worse. Komaeda and the others has blank spots, but they can remember at least some of it. Hinata almost remembers none. In a way, that might be scarier. Not knowing what Kamukura did with his body…

“I just…remembered some of the stuff he did.” Hinata starts trailing patterns in the sand. “…It’s still fuzzy. It feels like I’m looking through someone else’s eyes, whenever I remember.”

Komaeda doesn’t know what to say to that. The bitter part of him wants to lash out, but he restrains himself from that. It’s not Hinata’s fault Komaeda is a terrible person, after all. He shouldn’t take it out on him.

“I see. I’m not sure if that’s good luck for you, or bad,” he murmurs instead, and Hinata looks at him, face furrowed.

“…I remember you.”

“You remember me?”

He had met Kamukura, yes…when he’d tried to take down Enoshima, before he became despair. Was that worth even remembering?

“I shot you.”

“…Hinata-kun, you don’t need to feel guilty about something like that. I didn’t even die. The bullet didn’t even hit me,” he hums. “And I was about to shoot you, if I remember correctly.”

Hinata doesn’t respond right away, still trailing patterns in the sand. “…It’s just weird…because…” He narrowed his gaze slightly. “You kept asking me to kill you in the program…and I was so against doing that. But before that…I tried without an ounce of regret.”

It scares him when Hinata starts to refer to ‘Kamukura’ as ‘I’ instead of as him. He bites his lip slightly, then reaches over with his free hand and takes Hinata’s.

“Like I said, I was willing to kill you as well,” he reminds him. “…It’s not as if either of us are more morally superior than the other, Hinata-kun.”

Hinata looks at the tide, then sighs, lacing his fingers with his. Komaeda doesn’t really think anything of it; he’s pleased to be a tool for comfort, for Hinata. It’s natural for humans to reach out when they’re suffering, after all. Komaeda is glad to be that kind of support, for him.

“…Nagito…” he starts, shifting over to look at Komaeda’s socks, still deep in the tide, completely ruined. “…Thanks.”

“…It’s nothing, Hinata-kun.”

“…You were…really close to killing her for the sake of hope.” He whispers softly, “…at least you tried something like that for hope. Even if it’s never good to kill anyone…I think we could have made an exception for her.”

“She…strikes me as the type of person who would never stop unless she died, yeah.” He replies, “…I failed, though. It’s almost a good thing I did - thanks to that, the most brilliant of hopes was born.”

Hinata sighs, heavily, and Komaeda knows, again, he’d said something that he shouldn’t have. He looks over at him, noticing how his grip on his hand is slackening, slightly.

“…Do you want to go back, Hinata-kun?”

Hinata hesitates slightly, then nods, “…yeah. If your socks get any wetter, they’re going to be ruined forever, even with your luck.” He huffs, and stands up, stretching and looking at the ocean. It makes him a little nervous, knowing Hinata is so close to the ocean with him…he strips off his socks, stuffs them in his pocket, and puts on his shoes.

“…Maybe we could come here again, though.”

“Hmm?”

“…I mean…you like it here, right?” Hinata explains, “you try to sneak out of bed almost every night to come here…and it’s not that bad, I guess. Not as boring as I thought it would be.”

For some reason, the word ‘boring’ rings through his mind, like he’s a spoon that’s just been hit against metal. Slowly, he nods.

“If you would come back here with me, Hinata-kun, I think I’d like that.” He mumbles, “next time maybe we should stay away from the water.”

“Ah? Are you already regretting those wet socks? Jeez, I warned you…”

That isn’t it, but he doesn’t feel like contradicting Hinata at the moment. Hinata takes his hand again, without mentioning that he’s doing so, pulling him along. He likes holding Hinata’s hand. He likes being close to him, sleeping with him, kissing him. It just doesn’t feel real, on the other end. He feels like a tool for comfort.

But in the end, that’s the only thing he can be.

A stepping stool. A tool. Same difference.

He doesn’t care much anymore.

His phantom fingers twitch, as if to clench at that thought.


	7. Gun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Hinata is sent to threaten Komaeda into submission with a gun, but can't quite pull the trigger. Canon Divergence.

He couldn’t believe he was doing this. He really, really couldn’t believe he was doing this. But they had had to resort to desperate measures, and Komaeda was forcing them into this, and it wasn’t like he was actually going to kill him with this fucking gun. No, he was just supposed to threaten him, and if he ran at him, Souda had said it didn’t really matter where he aimed, but Hinata knew it’d probably be best to aim for the leg.

Probably.

God, he was fucking shaking. How could he even think about shooting Komaeda? Hell, even about shooting a gun at all? He knew Komaeda had been off the rails since they’d escaped the FunHouse, threatening to blow them up just to find the traitor, but this was…

Extreme.

This was way too extreme.

But, he’d been the one who’d drawn the marked stick, just like Komaeda back when all this insanity began. Back when he trusted Komaeda, liked him, wanted to get close to him, wanted -

Wanted anything to happen but what had happened. _Why couldn’t my luck have kicked in, and I could have gotten that marked stick a month ago? Things would be so much different, wouldn’t they?_

It didn’t do well to ruminate on the past. Even if it had never happened, Komaeda would still be crazy - just, no one would know it, which would honestly probably be worse. At least this way, they had warning.

_What if he runs at me and I panic? What if I shoot him? And what if it’s not in the leg?_

He pictured blood pooling across Komaeda’s shirt that already had that ugly red pattern on it. Pictured Komaeda’s smirk briefly falling as the pain registered throughout his body. How would his face react after that? Would he go back to smirking, having died for the sake of hope? Would he look up at Hinata with a look of unwilling betrayal and confusion?

_I really loved the hope inside you, Hinata-kun._

Fuck, he couldn’t do this. Komaeda was a dick, a psychopath, a selfish, confusing, mess…but he didn’t deserve to die, and certainly not shot by Hinata.

_He hates me now, though. Would he really say that?_

He couldn’t think about it anymore. He walked through the islands, eventually arriving at the fifth. Almost aimlessly, he wandered into the factory there. _I should turn back, or toss this gun into some garbage._

But what if Komaeda finds it?

_Honestly, Komaeda’s already laid bombs across the island. I don’t think a gun is going to make him that much more dangerous._

Just as he was leaving the factory, he quite literally ran into the one he’d been trying to avoid, Nagito Komaeda. On instinct, he apologized for running into him, before he looked up, and saw who it was.

Oh.

“Hinata-kun? What are you doing here?” He sounded irritated, but, well, Komaeda always did lately, especially around him. Hinata practically felt his mouth dry up, and he took a few steps back.

“I’m going the same way you are, Hinata-kun.” He lifted his head. “So why don’t you run alone in the opposite direction? Very far away from me, preferably.” He sounded so haughty…so different from the boy who had comforted him, who had waited for him to wake up.

Komaeda…what happened to you?

That didn’t matter right now. He had…something he had to do. For his friends. For their lives. Quick as he could, he pulled out the gun, pointing it straight at Komaeda. Please don’t let my hand be shaking, please…

“Oh?” Komaeda sounded bored, for fuck’s sake. Only Nagito Komaeda could sound bored when someone was about to shoot him. “Hinata-kun, what do you think you’re doing?”

The anger at his indifference helped him to keep his hand and voice steady.

“Komaeda,” he said carefully, “you’re going to take me to wherever you put those bombs, and deactivate them.”

“Or else…what?”

Did he need it fucking spelled out for him?

“O-Or else I’ll shoot you. Somewhere that’ll cripple you for the rest of your life.”

He couldn’t do this.

“Oh? Really, Hinata-kun, have you learned nothing at all?” Komaeda sighed, and took a step towards him. As soon as he did, Hinata took a step back, bring back the distance between them. “Nothing at all about me? I thought you understood me at least a little.”

“I don’t understand you at all! Y-You’re…not normal. No one could understand you. You won’t let anyone,” he instinctively retorted. _Keep the gun steady, Hajime._ He rose his other hand up, to hold it better, and hopefully to hide his shaking. Komaeda hummed.

“Is that what you think? Well, maybe I’ll give you a little hint, Reserve Course scum.” He scoffed, stepped towards him again. And again. Hinata found himself frozen as, eventually, the gun was pressed right against Komaeda’s chest. Move! He told himself, but he couldn’t. Komaeda…was scaring him too much. And pissing him off. It was an unwelcome combination.

“I’m not afraid to die. In fact,” he leaned his face forward, “I’ve been wanting to die since we first got to this island, Hinata-kun.”

What?

“Y-You’re lying.” He took a step back, finally. “Lying. You’re trying to get me to feel sorry for you, again. Like you did before.”

“Do you think so?” He laughed, and Hinata is struck by how smug, self loathing, and broken it sounded all at once. “What happened to trusting everyone, Hinata-kun? And working togeth - “

“Shut up!” He shook his head. “You don’t count for that. You…You betrayed us.”

“Did I?” He hums thoughtfully, then takes another step. Before Hinata can even blink, the gun is taken from his grasp with surprising strength and speed. In an instant, his panic changes from stress, to worry for his life. _I’m just a Reserve Course student_ , he thought weakly, _Komaeda would think nothing of killing me._

I’m going to die.

Komaeda - the person I woke up to, here, is going to finally kill me.

But, to his shock, Komaeda merely opens up the chamber, and sees the six bullets inside. Humming conversationally, he spins it and shuts it, hearing the bullets click into place. Then, he points the gun to his head, smiling serenely. Far too serenely for someone in that position.

“Since you’re here, and I can’t get you to leave, it looks like my plan is just going to fail, after all.” He smiles, smiles at him. This guy really is sick. Hinata feels his tongue tie into itself, and he can’t even say a word.

“Maybe I’ll get lucky, and the others will think you killed me.” He shakes his head, and  Hinata can hear the tip of the gun scrape against his skull. “I’ve always had a feeling though, I’d die by my own hand…terminally ill patients often kill themselves, you know?”

“K-Ko….maeda–” He doesn’t want to see this. He wants to run away, but he can’t. Komaeda is blocking the door to the factory. How could he have let him taken the gun? Maybe he was worthless.

“It’s been nice knowing you, Hinata-kun. I really wish you weren’t a Remnant of Despair. Things could have been much better.” He smiled again, more sadly “they say people tied by fate meet again in other lives. Do you believe that, Hinata-kun?”

“…K-Komaeda…j-just…put the gun down,” he blurts out, finally, but Komaeda just shakes his head again.

“Sorry, Hinata-kun. Bye now.”

Time freezes. No…No, I can’t let Komaeda die! I can’t let anyone else die!

With a speed he didn’t know he had, he rushes forward, knocking into Komaeda. He heard a shot, and feels a blistering pain in his shoulder, warmth spreading across it, and then he’s on the ground on top of Komaeda, one of his hands pinning down the other’s pale wrists, knocking the gun aside.

He feels cold, now, creeping up his arm.

“Hi…nata?” Komaeda breathes, eyes wide, sounding like a child. “…I…I shot Hinata-kun…?”

“Fuck…!” The pain hits him now, throbbing in front of his vision, his arm feeling like it’s both freezing and on fire. He digs his fingernails into Komaeda’s  wrists. He can feel himself losing consciousness, but he has to hold on. Komaeda is going to just shoot himself if he passes out - but fuck, it hurts so much–!

“…This is bad,” Komaeda murmurs. “…I planned on causing your death, but not like this.”

That’s not exactly comforting.

“I’m…fuck, fuck…not…gonna die,” he wheezes, feeling himself go pale as paper. “…Just a…shoulder wound.” He doesn’t know how he knows those aren’t usually lethal. He doesn’t really care.

“…What on Earth…were you thinking?” Komaeda sounds like a child again, lost and alone and afraid and confused. “Why…why did you…stop me? Why would a Remnant of Despair stop something like that…?”

He has no fucking clue what Komaeda is talking about. He doesn’t really care. He can see blood spreading over them both. Komaeda’s covered in his blood. Even his usually pure white hair has drops of it, and splotches of it decorate his face. He can’t even see the ugly design on his shirt, with how much there is. It all blends in, blurs together. Everything is blurring together.

He hears footsteps running towards him. The gunshot was pretty loud.

“Oi! Hina- what the fuck…”

Ah, that would be Kuzuryuu.

“Bastard shot you!?” he exclaims, and Komaeda looks at him, too, with confusion and wide eyes and fear. He still seems like he’s in shock. “Shit…! Hang in there, Hinata!”

That’s the last thing he remembers before everything goes black.

When he wakes up, he’s in the hospital. Nevermind is standing over him, and she gasps when he opens his eyes. His shoulder feels heavy…

“Hinata-san! You’re awake!” she exclaims. “H-how do you feel?”

He groans, twisting his head. “…I’ve been…better,” he murmurs. “…Mostly just…heavy…”

“Ah - try not to move much,” she says authoritatively. “Do you…remember what happened…?”

He tosses his head back, onto the pillow, forcing his body to relax. “…Yeah…Komaeda…he was…” He shakes his head slightly, to regain the ability of speech a little more. “…He tried to…shoot himself…and I got in the way. Didn’t…didn’t want anyone else to die…”

“…He tried to shoot himself? Are you certain?” She sounds surprised. But, of course, Komaeda wouldn’t have said that was what happened, would he.

“…Yeah. I’m…pretty sure, Nevermind,” he said with just a drip of sarcasm. “I was…right there.” He groans again. His arm feels so weird - they must have put something in it to numb the pain, or something.

“Where is he?” He managed to ask, though he didn’t know why he even really cared. He tried to kill himself, but I’m pretty sure even that was just to fuck with me.

Pretty sure.

“…We…we thought it best to restrain him, again. He didn’t seem in the best state of mind, though. Even worse than he was earlier.” She taps her chin. “Before, he was terrifying, and it was easy to think of him of a villain. Now, though, he reminds me more of a lost soul, or someone broken. He didn’t even resist when we tied him up and gagged him. He just…sat there.”

He sighs wearily, rolling his head to the side. It’s really all he can do to move. “…You sure he isn’t acting, or something?” He mumbles, furrowing his eyebrows together. He’s trusted Komaeda before, and he’s never come through. Ever.

“…I…I would not know,” now Nevermind sounds slightly lost. Komaeda must have been a damn good actor, to unnerve Nevermind so much.

If he was acting.

He’s not sure what to believe anymore.

That look in his eyes, when he’d pointed the gun at himself…it was like a broken plea. And he mentioned Remnants of Despair…finding out about something like that does seem like something that would throw Komaeda off the rails.

Is that what he found out in that damn room? Something about…Remnants of Despair?

He shifts, tries to sit up.

“Hinata-san! You need to get rest.” She exclaims, that note of authority back in her voice. He shakes his head.

“I…I want to…” He grits his teeth, feeling like the jaws of a bear trap are wrapping around him. Komaeda’s trap. But…they can’t progress if they just ignore the issue, can they?

“I want to talk to him.”

“…Y-You want to…? Hinata-san, are you sure that’s wise?”

“…It has to be done. Someone has to talk to him.”

“Well, I suppose, but…we’ve tried for hours, and he hasn’t said a word.”

“…I think…I might know what to say,” he lies. He has no clue where to even start, but he can’t just ignore this. They can’t, no matter how much he wants to.

“…Hinata-san…” She takes a breath, then nods. “…Very well. But he stays restrained! He could try and kill you, Hinata-san. I…do want to trust you. And him. But we have to take precautions so he doesn’t do something terrible again.”

He nods. That sounds reasonable. After she leaves, he sits up, wincing at his arm. Did they have to wrap so many bandages around it…? Really, he’s grateful, of course…but he thinks the bandages are heavier than they really need to be.

It takes a long time for Komaeda to be brought in. Kuzuryuu comes in with him, sitting him down in the chair and clicking his tongue.

“…He tries anything, and I’m right outside the door.” He glares at Komaeda, before leaving the room. Komaeda arms are tied behind his back, but he looks cleaner. Like he’s just had a shower of something. Well, he was covered in his blood…

“…Komaeda. I want to talk to you,” he finally says, breaking the silence. Komaeda glances up at him; he doesn’t see the trauma, or shock, or disbelief in his eyes anymore. He’s back to looking smug and indifferent.

“Oh, good. I was hoping you would explain to me why you had a death wish.” He huffs, looking away. The comment seems half-hearted.

“…I didn’t have a death wish, Komaeda. I just didn’t want anyone else to die.” He narrows his eyes. “That includes you.”

Komaeda looks at him for a time, then shifts his gaze. But, in that brief time…he had seen hesitation in his eyes.

“You don’t know anything,” he states, bitterly, staring at the wall.

He doesn’t say anything for a time; he has to try to be patient. Komaeda had tried to kill himself…that wasn’t a joke. It might have been an act, but it was too risky to think of it like that. _That’s what Komaeda wants me to think it was. I won’t fall for it._

“…Komaeda. You found out something else in that room, didn’t you? Other than me being…a Reserve Course Student,” he said firmly. He’d been certain of it since the trial for Nidai’s murder, honestly. He’d just acted so strange during it.

“I’m sure you’d like to know, Hinata-kun. Something that makes it so you’re not just a worthless, talentless person? There’s nothing like that.”

He froze, for a moment, blinking slowly.

Komaeda…didn’t sound as confident saying that…

He had assumed the thing he had found out related more to the others, then himself. Was he mishearing? Komaeda didn’t look like he was lying. But in his voice…he’d thought…

He shook his head slowly. “…Komaeda. It wasn’t about me. It was about all of us. Right?”

Komaeda merely huffed. He really wasn’t being cooperative…but he’d gotten him to talk, at least a little. Nevermind had said he wouldn’t talk at all, to anyone else. That…had to mean something.

But, what could he say? He didn’t have a theory, didn’t have enough evidence to make one at all. If Komaeda was really refusing to talk, there wasn’t much he could do. But he just…he couldn’t leave it like this. They’d probably just throw Komaeda in a cell, or something…and they’d never understand him that way. If he really was trying to kill himself, he’d probably find a way to do it sooner or later, and that would be that.

He couldn’t…run away from him just because he scared him. Just because he had trouble understanding him.

But where could he even start…?

“You…called me a Remnant of Despair,” he mumbled faintly, not even realizing that he was saying it outloud. Still, Komaeda stopped looking stubbornly at the wall, and glanced over at him, showing a flicker of unease in his gaze.

“That does sound like something that would…upset you.” He watched him uneasily. Their gazes locked for just a few seconds, before he looked away. That was something. He was on the right track.

“Where did you hear that phrase? Was it in my file?”

Komaeda licked his lips, subtly, then looked down instead of at the wall.

“…Komaeda, please. If…if we try and figure this out together…I don’t think anyone else will have to die. But…you have to trust me.”

“Trust you?” He finally spoke up, looking at him with distaste. “You don’t even trust me, Hinata-kun. And besides that, I don’t know why I should trust someone like you, who doesn’t even know their place.”

“Komaeda, that’s…” He felt his throat go dry, heart pumping in his chest too fast. This was stupid. This was near suicidal. He took a deep breath, and sat up slowly, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed. His shoulder hurt. It really hurt. But it didn’t matter. Slowly, he made his way over to the chair Komaeda was sitting in, and pulled him forward, reaching down his back. He heard Komaeda mumble something about taking his filthy hands off him, but he ignored it, pulling the knots that held his wrists together apart, letting the rope crumple behind him. Komaeda blinked in surprise as Hinata pulled away, bringing forward his hands and looking at them, flexing them.

“…I want to trust you,” Hinata said finally. “…I always have. I’ve always been looking…looking for something that would prove that person I met at the beginning of all this…was real. Wasn’t a lie.” He shook his head. “…I just didn’t know how. You kept saying such cruel and strange things. And then you started treating me like I was worthless after finding out about me being untalented. How could I trust someone like that…? How could I even want to?”

He trailed off, noticing how Komaeda was looking up at him with shock. It was a pretty welcome look on him, after how smug he’d been looking recently.

“…Maybe it’s just your terrible taste. Or maybe you’re just jealous that I at least have luck - “

“No,” he interrupted, noticing how close he was to Komaeda; he was still propping himself up on the arms of the couch. He could see his facial expressions, and the changes in them, more easily. He could tell when he was striking some sort of cord.

“…I remember when you said you were in love with the hope inside me. I didn’t look back at you, but…” He looked down, slightly, biting his lip just a bit. “I thought I felt something between us. A bond, or something.”

“…Or something? The reserve course trash certainly doesn’t have a large vocabulary, how shocking.”

“…Maybe we are similar. Like you said. I don’t know,” he sighed. “…But I want…to believe in you, Komaeda. Because of that bond…I want to. I want to believe you had a reason for wanting to blow up this island, other than you just went crazy and wanted to kill us. I want to believe you weren’t acting when you tried to kill yourself. I want to believe…we can reach an understanding. Maybe someday.” He shook his head, “…but that can’t happen if either of us are dead.”

Komaeda was silent, his eyes glazing over as if he was trying to make his face unreadable by blanking them. The silence dragged on, and on, and on, until –

“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you,” he mumbled, finally, and Hinata’s heart jumped into his chest.

“That’s…that’s not true, Komaeda. I’ll try to believe you.”

“…This is not a truth you want to hear, Hinata-kun.”

“It can’t be any worse than anything we’ve been through so far.”

“Yes, it is.”

He blinked in surprise; he hadn’t expected the melancholic tone, or for him to sound so confident in that assessment, like it was a statement of fact that had worn him down until he had to accept it.

“It’s far worse, Hinata-kun. You can’t imagine it.”

That took him aback; at the same time, he told himself that Komaeda didn’t really seem to find the killings on the island a bad horrible thing, so maybe his standards were really messed up…

Well, there was no maybe about that.

“…You said…if we didn’t face despair, we’d never find hope.” He nodded. “…I don’t believe in creating despair to make greater hope, or fighting between each other to make that happen. But maybe…maybe you were right about facing it.”

Komaeda looked at him closely for a long time. It almost felt like he was looking through his eyes, deep into his soul, trying to find the lie in his statement.

When the words finally did spill, almost uncontrollably, from him, Komaeda had been right. He could barely believe it. He could barely process all of it. There was so much.

He was a member of a terrorist organization that destroyed the world.

So was everyone else, except the traitor.

This world was a lie, fake. Some sort of program.

“…Do you see why I did what I did now, Hinata-kun?” Komaeda was trampling on, oblivious to his absolute confusion and shellshocked demeanor. “I think you can. I could have destroyed the last Remnants of Despair from the world. Us. I could have maybe become a symbol of hope, after I died…a sacrifice, a martyr.” He shook his head. With the fevered way he was saying these things, Hinata was pretty sure he had been wanting to tell someone this. Wanted someone to understand, even if he didn’t know anyone he could trust.

“I…think I…” he started, feeling his tongue tie around itself. “I…”

“…You don’t believe me,” He murmured, the fevered tone disappearing from his voice. “Well…that’s fine - “

“N-No…it’s that I…it’s just…” He shook his head. “A-all of us…? We did something like that?” It was just…so hard to believe…

“…I didn’t want to believe it either. All the brilliant symbols of hope, falling to despair? Destroying the world?” He shook his head, “…I don’t blame you for not believing me, though. Maybe I’m trying to trick you, trying to get you to let me kill the others.”

“I’d never let you do that.” He said, instantly, without hesitation.

“…Huh?”

“…I-If this is true…if we really are those type of people.” He trailed off, “…they’re still…my friends. None of us deserve to die for that. We can still be good people in the future, and make up for it.”

“…Hinata-kun, are you serious?” He sounded annoyed now, “people like us don’t deserve redemption - “

“That’s wrong!” He shook his head, “I…I…can’t speak for who I was. But now…now I don’t want to see the world destroyed. I don’t want to spread despair. You don’t want to spread despair, either. We’re not those people anymore.”

“You sound like you’re just making excuses - “

“I won’t abandon –” He paused, realizing what he’d just almost instinctively said, before swallowing and going on, regardless. “…I won’t abandon hope. Hope for us.”

“Hope for us? Hope for the people who destroyed the world, filled it with despair?” He laughed, then. “I’m sorry, Hinata-kun, but that’s just - “

“I believe you,” he said shortly, and the laughter stopped. “…I trust you. I believe you.”

He looked up at him, face looking confused and furrowed. Hinata didn’t know where this faith was coming from. Maybe it was partially Komaeda’s influence. He hoped it wasn’t, though.

“…Try…and trust me too.” He murmured, softer. “…Komaeda. Please.”

Komaeda looked torn and confused, like he was being asked to choose between two things he adored equally.

“…I’m not going…to stop thinking that, Hinata-kun.” He finally murmured, and Hinata felt his heart sink.

“But,” Komaeda hesitated, clearly, toying with the end of his lip, “…that’s your hope. That we all can redeem ourselves?”

“Yes.” He emphasized, “there’s no hope in death, Komaeda. There’s no hope in dying for something like that. Dying to kill others…that’s the greatest despair of all, to me.” _If I understand what you mean by despair, correctly. That’s what it is to me._

“…You may be just a Reserve Course Student. Maybe you’re just a nobody.” He grimaced slightly, as if he was hating the words coming out of his mouth. It reminded Hinata of what he looked like during the despair disease, like every word and syllable that came out of his mouth were hooks raking across his tongue. 

“…But…maybe true hope can…come from people like that…?” He sounded like he was questioning a belief he’d had his whole life, unsure, like a child.

“…I don’t know if…I’d call myself true hope. But,” he nodded, firmly. He couldn’t look back. He had to look towards the future he wanted. And that future…it was… “I want everyone to live. I want everyone to keep going. That is my hope. And I will fight for it.”

Komaeda looked up at him with almost an expression of awe, like how he had looked at him before he’d found out the truth. With absolute adoration and devotion. It threw him off a bit; that look didn’t seem healthy…

“…Hinata-kun…has much stronger hope than me.” He laughed, though it seemed directed at himself. “…I had a plan to fulfill what I thought hope was…but I backed out of it to try and end my life. I was a coward…”

Hinata didn’t know what to say to that. He wanted to…assure Komaeda, somehow. Hesitantly, he reached down, squeezing his hand, causing Komaeda to look up so quickly the top of his head almost hit Hinata’s chin.

“…Alright,” Komaeda finally breathed out, and Hinata could feel almost every muscle in his body relax. “…Alright. I’ll…I’ll see where your hope leads us. Even if it does lead to despair…a better hope will be born from that, won’t it?”

“…There won’t just be hope…there will be a lot of despair along the way. But…we’ll never know if we don’t move forward.” He spoke with much more confidence than he really had.

“Moving forward…” he said softly, as if the words were ones he’d never spoken before.

Then, he was silent. Slowly, he squeezed Hinata’s hand. 

And Hinata squeezed back.

_Maybe…we really can come to an understanding. Maybe someday, I can understand you better._

_Someday._

_That’s my other hope, Nagito Komaeda._


	8. Reversal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Komaeda ends up taking Hinata's role in the final trial, when Enoshima reveals Hinata's true identity and forces it upon him.

Hinata was so bright, as ever. It made him happy he survived this long, didn’t have a chance to go through with his plan. Glad Hinata stopped him.

Even amidst the despair of knowing the Tragedy, even the despair of all this death, and lies, this fake world made up to trick and entrance them, he shone like a star against the despair. Komaeda truly believed he was watching true hope be born.

_Hinata-kun said I could find hope within myself, but he was wrong. Hinata-kun held that hope inside him all along._

If it hadn’t been for Hinata’s brilliant hope, how he pushed forward, Komaeda would have shattered at the revelation that they were all Ultimate Despair. He would have tried to do something reckless, something that the previous him would have thought was a sacrifice in the name of hope, for the birth of absolute hope.

This was exactly the ending he had wanted, why he’d kick started the killing. Hinata wouldn’t understand, but if he hadn’t gone through all that death, betrayal and despair, he wouldn’t have become hope. He wouldn’t have risen up and shown him such a beautiful light. Even Enoshima’s vengeful voice didn’t catch his attention at first, he was so distracted.

“All right, hero. Riddle me this for a sec, ‘kay?”she hummed, crossing her arms. “You read all my little files, right? Studied up for the test?”

“O-Of course I did! I know everything that happened out there - “

“Do you? Then you must have heard about…Izuru Kamukura,” she giggled, in a sugary sweet voice. Hinata looked at her strangely, like he was anticipating a trap. _Don’t fear the despair, Hinata-kun! Push forward and show me more of that hope!_

He did so.

“Of course…Izuru Kamukura was the Ultimate Hope, made from a student to encompass every talent. But, he turned to despair…and murdered the student council of Hope’s Peak…”

“Uh huh. I see, you really did study up big time. So here’s another question. Two more, actually. Who was the student that became Izuru Kamukura? And, who was the one who put me into this program? Can you answer those?” She laughed, “I’ll give you a hint, hero. They have the same answer!”

Hinata looked doubtful, for a moment, opening his mouth, then closing it again, clearly deep in thought. Komaeda wanted to call out to him, to maybe encourage him, but Enoshima broke the thoughtful silence.

“Fuck it! I’m sick of waiting to feel this despair from you! Too slow, Hajime Hinata. Or should I say…Izuru Kamukura?”

What?

“W-What are you - ?” Hinata started, before getting cut off by Enoshima’s roaring laughter. Komaeda glanced around, a bad feeling creeping over him. Even Naegi, Togami, and Kirigiri looked uneasy. What was she talking about, now. Was it some lie, to pull them into despair?

“Ugh, do I have to spell it out for you? You’re Izuru Kamukura, you’re Izuru Kamukura, you’re Izuru Kamukura, you’re Izuru Kamukur - “

“S-Stop it! What - “

“I mean, think about it! You were the only reserve course student to survive, weren’t you? You think you got fuckin’ lucky? Of course not! The reason you survived, is because you signed yourself up to be Hope’s Peak’s little guinea pig!”

“You were soooo desperate for talent, so desperate to become hope, that you sacrificed everything! Your emotions, your personality, your body, and from that, Izuru Kamukura, member of Ultimate Despair and Mastermind of the Killing School Trip, was born!”

“”M-Mastermind? What are…”

“I think…we should let him speak for himself, right? I mean, it’d be weird for the big bad of the game to not even get a boring monologue, right right?” The larger version of herself picked up her phone, dialing numbers on it. “And, I mean, you tried, but you were nothing but a useless Reserve Course student all along! No one wants to see someone boring like that! So, come on down, Izuru Kamukura!”

She pressed the final button, and Hinata started to scream.

“Hinata-kun!” Komaeda yelled, attempted to step off his platform to run to him, only to find that he couldn’t. He was…he was frozen, or something. Trapped.

It sounded terrible, awful, like it was the sound of despair to his own ears to hear Hinata in such agony, unable to help. His eyes flashed, red, yellow, red yellow - until finally, the screaming and flashing stopped, and the boy lifted his head.

Dark, long, hair fell down his waist in unsmoothed curls, red eyes staring at them in apathy. He didn’t…he didn’t feel like Hinata at all. What had just happened…?

“…So these are the six that survived?” He looked at them in turn - Nanami, Souda, Nevermind, Owari, Kuzuryuu, then finally himself. When he met Komaeda’s eyes, he shuddered. He didn’t look like Hinata at all.

“…I admit, not as predictable as I expected. Somewhat interesting, I suppose,” he hummed, tugging on his tie.

“H-Hey, who…who are you?” Souda spoke up, hands clenched over his head. “..W-where did Hinata go?”

The boy looked at Souda with cold, apathetic eyes, before speaking again.

“I am Izuru Kamukura, the mastermind of this game.” He spoke flatly. “Hajime Hinata is no more. He is gone, just as he is in reality.”

He’s gone?

Hinata’s gone?

“T-That’s impossible!” Nevermind yelled, shaking her head. “I-It’s just some trick! One of those tricks, like…like when Monomi turned a chicken into a cow!”

“Y-Yeah, Sonia-san’s gotta be right!”

“You’re just trying more tricks to make us despair, or whatever!”

Kamukura sighed, a small exhale that was almost inaudible. “Enoshima. Explain.”

“Gladly! See, I could do something like change animals into whatever - that’s just raw data! But change an avatar’s data? I couldn’t do something that complex with the program, unless it was something like my beautiful despair disease! Isn’t that right, hope boy?” She pointed to Naegi. The boy paled, jerking back.

“I-I mean - “

“…She’s right. She could not transform an avatar in this way, unless the data was already there.” Togami gritted his teeth, speaking up. “And I doubt she could do it…unless she deleted the alternate data in conflict with the new.”

“Aww, thanks Byakuya-sama!” Enoshima giggled. “So see for yourself - you’ll become this full of despair yourselves if you leave! Isn’t that right, Kamukura-san?”

“…Correct. If you all leave here, you will revert to being despair. I am proof of that.” Kamukura sill was speaking in a flat voice. He sounded…sounded almost…bored.

“Y-You can’t be serious - “

“It’s - It’s okay! If you get out, we can just help you, we can start over - “

“You really think they’ll trust you after you let this happen, Naegi?” Enoshima clicked her tongue. “All their precious classmates are dead because you fell for Kamukura-san’s lies!”

“…It was so boring. I didn’t think the person who defeated Enoshima before would be so easy to trick. How…disappointing.”

“Th-That’s - !”

Komaeda was barely listening. He felt numb, eyes blank even as the other’s argued.

This wasn’t supposed to happen.

Hinata’s hope…Hinata…he’s gone…?

_His hope…turned to despair…_

He’d always….always thought it was the opposite - despair turned to hope. But, here was evidence right in front of him - when he looked into Kamukura’s eyes, he saw nothing but boredom and apathy. Nothing of Hinata.

No one was speaking up, rising above the others. They were all arguing amongst themselves, like scared children. _This isn’t…this isn’t the hope I wanted…_

There was no one else coming. Who would become the hope to offset this despair?

_Was…was everything I did…for nothing?_

Togami-kun - no, the Ultimate Impostor - had been a stepping stone for hope, he thought. Not one he intended, but after the fact that was how he had consoled himself after the unintended death. He was at least a pathway to a brilliant hope, so he was able to live with the unintended consequences of his plan in peace, without regret.

_I thought…at the end of the road there would be hope…_

But nothing…nothing was changing. No miracle was happening. Hinata was gone, and slowly, his classmates started to quiet down. When he glanced around, he saw just blank looks in their eyes. He opened his mouth, to try and speak, but he couldn’t.

_If Hinata couldn’t fight this despair…if Naegi can’t, either…then how could I…?_

He heard Enoshima laughing, the three survivors of the killing game and his classmates arguing, though his mouth stayed shut, and Kamukura’s did as well. He lifted his head, spoke clearly above the noise.

“Why? Why did you…why did you do this?” he asked the boy across from him, with Hinata’s body but none of his kindness, his warmth, his hope.

“Because I was bored, of course.” He said it matter of factly, eyes meeting his sharply.

His head hurt, and he remembered being on that boat again.

_Boring…everything is so boring…_

Was that all Hinata felt? After trying to become hope? Was this…was this all his hope had amounted to? The only person who cared, only person who tried to understand him, to save him, to listen to him…their hope…meant this little, when he’d thought it shone like a star.

Everything went black, as he retreated into his mind.

He was a child again, sitting at his parents grave, watching himself sit and cry, flashes of the effects of his luck going in the background.

Bam, his parent’s death.

Bam, being kidnapped off the street.

Bam, his loyal dog getting hit by a truck.

Bam, bam, bam, bam.

Bam, Hinata turning into Kamukura.

Did he think that was his fault? That couldn’t…couldn’t have anything to do with his luck, of course not. He hadn’t even met Hinata at the point he apparently decided to become Kamukura, unless he was mistaken. His luck wasn’t that powerful, was it…? His hands shook, and ground went out from under him, and he was falling, falling, falling, into a deep black abyss

_Was all this hope false hope?_

_Was everything I believed in wrong?_

_What is hope, anyway? Do I even really know?_

_What’s hope? What’s despair? Is this my despair? Is that how I’m falling -_

“Komaeda, don’t think that way!”

His eyes snapped open, and suddenly there was a light. He was still falling, but he saw Hinata - bright, strong, and beautiful as ever, the only light in the darkness, reaching for him, like he wanted to catch him. He remembered a conversation he had with Hinata, once.

‘Hey…what do you really want, Komaeda?’

‘That’s easy. I want to see the birth of Ultimate Hope!’

_What does that…even mean?_

_What does ‘hope’ mean?_

_Is that what I really want?_

It was like Hinata was mouthing the words again, and he could hear them echoing in his head as he fell.

“What do you really want, Komaeda?”

_What do I want?_

_I want…I want…I want to see…Hinata’s hope again…but that’s…impossible._

Or was it?

There was Hinata, shining brightly, reaching for him even as they fell deeper and deeper. He was right there.

“Deeper, deeper. What do you _really_  want? More than anything? Be honest with yourself. You’re usually honest to a fault, y’know.”

_…I want…I want to be…something loved. Something adored._

_I want to become hope myself. But I don’t have hope inside of me._

“Then take some of mine! You just have to reach out - c’mon, Komaeda, you were never someone who just gave up in the face of despair! You more than any of us accepted it and tackled it head on! It’s the one compliment I can honestly give you, at least…”

_Is that what Hinata really thinks of me?_

_Is this all in my head?_

_Am I dreaming, am I dying?_

“You can become hope, Komaeda. You’ve always been able to. It’s always been right there, for you. Just hurry up and reach!”

Reach for hope…

Reach for Hinata-kun…

His eyes widened, and suddenly he started jerking in the air, reaching up and scrambling to reach the shining Hinata’s hand.

“That’s it! Don’t give up! Come on!”

He reached, and found Hinata’s hand within his own, and light flashed through him.

–

He could hear voices, faint and whispery. They were still arguing, over and over in circles, murmuring, as his heart raced, he could hear it. His fists clenched against the desk, thinking of where to start, what to say.

“Ha! They’re both hope, and both despair! A conclusion will never fuckin’ be reached!”

He slammed his hands down, loudly, lifted his head. That was a good place to start…right, Hinata?

“No, that’s wrong!” he yelled, pointing at the True Ultimate Despair. eyes snapping open and revealing a more vibrant green. There was an odd silence, then, and he felt everyone’s eyes on him.

“Huh? Excuse me? Just what about that statement was wrong?”

He felt like faltering. But how could he, with Hinata by his side? Even if he couldn’t help him directly…he knew he was there, across the way, deep inside.

_Are you watching, Hinata-kun? Can you hear my words?_

_Will they reach you?_

“We’re not going to give into this! We can’t just stay here in circles! It’s wrong!”

“…You got a better solution, pretty boy?”

“I used…I used to think…hope was something that just meant…adding to the world. I used to think, only talented and blessed people could become hope. But Hinata-kun…Hinata-kun made me realize that hope can be found in anyone! Even someone like him, who was just ordinary and boring to some…even he could bring hope!” He lowered his gaze. “There’s no way his hope will be crushed by that despair! I won’t believe it!”

“Y-You won’t believe it?” Enoshima’s voice held a modicum of uncertainty now, and wasn’t that satisfying to hear. “Have you finally gone delusional? It’s not about believing, or anything. It’s about accepting the cold hard facts!”

“No! I won’t accept that Hinata is gone! I won’t accept that! I won’t accept your words!”

“My words? They aren’t lies, kiddo! Hope boy here just confirmed it - “

“We can’t just stay here…we can’t. We can’t go in circles, or live a lie.” He almost didn’t know where these words were coming from, but his gaze never wavered from Kamukura’s.

_Hinata-kun, please hear my words. Let them reach you…_

“We…We have to face the future! We have to believe that all of this meant something! That it was for something! Otherwise, what was this all for? What did everyone die for? What was all this despair for, if it doesn’t lead to a hopeful ending?”

“Y-You can’t be serious…even if you go back, idiot, you’re just gonna forget those words!”

“That…that doesn’t matter…because…now I know…” He clutched his chest, feeling his heartbeat, closing his eyes. He really could pretend Hinata was really with him, right now. Whispering the truth in his ear, holding his hand over his chest, telling him what he always wanted to hear, but thought he could never believe.

“Because there’s hope inside all of us! And I believe…I believe none of us will let it lose again!”

“Y-You…Nagito Komaeda, you…!” she spat, practically. “Your words don’t mean anything, compared to the facts! How many fucking times I gotta point it out?”

“I don’t care what you say! I don’t! I’m not…I’m not giving into your plan of despair, here! I refuse! I refuse to let you make me despair here again!”

There was a silence, and he met Kamukura’s eyes. To his surprise, there was slight surprise in them.

“E-Even…even if all of you are stupid enough to believe him…” Enoshima snarled, “the shutdown sequence needs all of you to activate it! All of you! Even Kamukura-san! You really think your words of hope can reach him, of all people?” She laughed, “Kamukura-san, like me, has never felt hope in his life! How do you think you’ll convince him?”

He clenched his fists. “…I won’t give up. I won’t.” For Hinata’s sake…I won’t…

“…Nagito Komaeda.” Kamukura was speaking to him now, and he looked up at him. “…Out of all of the participants in this game, you were the one I thought least likely to survive Enoshima’s despair plan.” He looked him over, and Komaeda got the feeling of deja vu, like he knew him, when he looked at him with something other than apathy…

“..You have changed. That is the most surprising thing to me, so far.” He closed his eyes, “ I did not think you were capable of such a drastic change.”

“…Kamukura…?” Did they…did they know each other, before…

“…O-Oi, Kamukura-san? What are you saying?”

“…It seems…you’ve lost your game, Enoshima.”

“W-What? What are you - you can’t be serious!  Don’t you dare - “

“I’ve rarely seen anyone stand up to your despair and refuse, not since the broadcast. I have not seen it firsthand, either. It was a thing I thought impossible, exempting the Ultimate Hope.” He nodded at Naegi, though with his expression, he didn’t look much like the Ultimate Hope, now. He was human, after all…

“This is…interesting. You’ve proven yourself to be boring and a failure, Enoshima.” He crossed his arms.

“A-Are you fucking kidding? If this miracle these disgusting idiots are hoping for happens, you’ll disappear!”

“I was prepared for such an outcome from the start of this, Enoshima.”

“…Kamukura…?” Komaeda spoke up, suddenly feeling an odd feeling of dread and sadness, like he wanted to cry. It was like…a feeling based on instinct, not logic or even feelings.

“…It will not be boring, if I take this path. I am certain of it. Whether am I there or not…I do not think I shall be as bored as I was helping with your plans before. Someone has finally stood up to your despair. Someone has broken the monotony of constant submission, and I would be lying if I said I was not intrigued.”

“C-Come on…Kamukura-san! You can’t let this little hope brat’s words drag you into this! You’re being an idiot - “

“Moving forward into the unknown…” He hummed softly, looking at Komaeda. “…Moving forward with confidence, despite knowing the road holds despair…it goes against every human instinct. That’s why…it is more interesting.”

“D-Dammit…” Enoshima bit her thumb. “Fine, what about the rest of you idiots? You got a death wish, too?”

“…It…it was strange, but…” Nevermind started, softly. “…When Komaeda-san spoke of hope within us…I saw it…I saw him…?”

“What are you - “

“…Hinata. It was like…like he was right next to you, Komaeda-san. Cheering you on.”

“I…I thought I was the only one! And on top of that,  I heard someone else too…that guy, you know, Tanaka?” Souda exclaimed. “It was like…he was telling us not to give up.”

“…Ha…I heard the same, from Peko…you know, I think that’s the only time she’s yelled at me, really…”

“…Coach…I heard his voice…I gotta…gotta keep fighting, gotta face it, no matter what! That’s what he said…”

Nanami was the only one silent, but she smiled. Smiled at Komaeda.

“You guys heard…I have to stay here. But I don’t mind. I don’t really have anything to go back to. It’s okay.”

“Nanami-san…” he murmured, looking her over. She’d been so quiet this whole time, he’d almost forgotten she was there. What a silly thing to forget…

“…There’s just…one thing…Komaeda-kun? If…Hinata-kun does come back…can you promise…promise to tell him it wasn’t his fault? He’ll know what I mean.” She smiled softly. “…I never blamed him, not once. And…I’m glad I got to play games with him, again, even as I am. Can you tell him, please?”

He had no idea what he was talking about, but he had to grant her request…she was going to be erased, in all likelihood, if they did this.

“So…you guys have decided to trust us…?” Kirigiri spoke tentatively. Komaeda hesitated, then shook his head.

“No…I think…we’ve just decided to trust in ourselves. Right?”

“Right!”

“No more hesitation for us!”

“Despair is something we can fight against anyway!”

“I really…didn’t think it would end this easily, after all this…”

“This isn’t the end. It’s the beginning. The beginning of _our_ future.” Komaeda flicked his gaze to Kamukura, noticing his hands hovering over the buttons. He too, was risking his existence with this…him, and Nanami…it was really quite incredible.

_Was Kamukura really just bored?_

_Did I really entertain Kamukura with my words?_

Kamukura met his eyes, and he saw, of all things, slight amusement and mingled loss in them.

“H-Hey, wait! This ain’t how it’s supposed to go - guys, come on, you can’t be serious, can’t be this  - !”

They didn’t even let her finish, before they all slammed down the buttons starting up the shutdown sequence. To their surprise, Monomi - no Usami - came out and destroyed the giant version of the Ultimate Despair, and Komaeda looked up at the sight as the world started to crumble.

“H-Hey…I know we said no hesitating…and I’m not, but…” Souda started. “I-I’m actually really scared, guys…”

“…Yeah. I am too. We might not remember…anything. Nidai’s sacrifice, or Tanaka’s…”

“The reason why everyone died…but…we’ll be together, right?” Nevermind spoke clearly.  “…I think…I think in the end, it will be worth it. This lack of hesitation…”

_Hinata-kun…thank you…even if I forget you…thank you so much. I can’t say these words to you, anymore. Maybe I never will say them the right way. Maybe you really will be Izuru._

_But, with my last thought here, while I have these precious memories of you…_

_I love you, Hajime Hinata. I love you and your hope, so deeply._

_So thank you…thank you for helping me out of despair, if that wasn’t just in my head. Thank you…for letting me step forward, if you really reached for me._

_This is what you would call…the Day Before Tomorrow, I think._

–

When they woke up, they were a mess.

Komaeda, thanks to his luck of course, woke first, choking in the fluid in the tank as Kirigiri and Naegi tore the lid off. Memories pulsated through him, and he screamed and yelled, passed out, revelations of what he’d done coming back, revelations of Kamukura, and explaining that feeling of deja vu.

_“I don’t understand.” Kamukura said flatly, “even now, I don’t understand what you mean about hope.”  
_

_“It’s okay. Not many people do!” He laughed cheerfully.  
_

_“…You are despair. Yet…you think that is a good thing? That this will bring hope?” He frowned, “that is contradictory.”  
_

_“Not really! I mean, hope can’t happen without despair, you know? I’m happy to be a stepping stone for such a thing.”  
_

_“…Wouldn’t you rather be hope yourself?”  
_

_“Someone like me isn’t worthy to become hope, Kamukura-kun!”  
_

_“…I see…so that…is what you believe.” He frowned, just slightly, just barely. People who didn’t know Kamukura would think it was just a flicker of a shadow, or something.  
_

_“Do you disagree?”  
_

_“…I do not know. I suspect you may be lying,  but…”  
_

_“But?”  
_

_“…Never mind. There are things we still need to do.” He turned, but Komaeda saw something brief in his eyes, a flash that made him falter, before running after him as usual._

By the time he woke again, the others were just waking up. They dealt with it much better than he had.

_Then…we’re really…_

He could remember the game. He could also remember despair, but he remembered the game. He remembered feeling so full of hope…he remembered Hinata.

_Hinata-kun…_

He rushed over to that tank, watching as the others headed to other ones. Nevermind and Souda went to Tanaka’s, Kuzuryuu to Pekoyama’s, Owari’s to Nidai’s.

He noticed all the unconscious people, and briefly felt the feeling that he didn’t belong here, didn’t deserve to be here, when some of them would never wake up -

No…he couldn’t think that way. Hinata…wouldn’t want him to think that way, right? That would be…pointless.

He read the name on the side. Hajime Hinata. Ran his fingers over it, looking at the figure with long black hair, floating in the tank, eyes still closed. Togami came over to him, frowning.

“His scans are normal - he’s not brain dead, like the others. The stress of what happened likely affected him more the others, however.”

Komaeda nodded his head. He remembered the look of amusement and loss in Kamukura’s eyes, remembered his words, remembered how Komaeda of all people had persuaded him. Remembered how he was willing to give up his existence, just to not be bored.

He remembered knowing him before, too. The only other member of Ultimate Despair he really knew. Or was close to. Mostly because his luck couldn’t affect him.

“There’s no way to know who will come out of that tank,” Togami was saying, just as the figure started shifting, the heart monitor beeping. Komaeda took a breath.

Whoever…whoever came out of that tank…he would have to accept either. He realized, he wanted to see…see one of them. Tell Kamukura he remembered him. Tell Hinata he remembered him. Tell them thank you. It didn’t matter…except that it meant that the other might be lost. This was…the result of his hope. He couldn’t run.

Both Hinata and Kamukura had helped him, in there, even if he hadn’t recognized Kamukura as helping at first. He couldn’t reject either of them. He’d smile, no matter what. Smile at hope, in the name of despair, or smile at despair in the name of hope…he’d do one or the other, he wouldn’t run or despair. He’d help them, no matter what, and move forward. 

He closed his eyes as Togami opened the tank, then leaned over the still shifting figure.

“…Hey? Can you hear me…? Hey?” Komaeda started, feeling nostalgic. He saw those eyes tense, slightly.

“Hey, you okay?”

The eyes opened, and he smiled, knowing just who it was.

“…Welcome back.” He stuck out his hand, before continuing.

“I’m happy you’re here. I remember everything, so it’s okay. Everything…will be fine.”

The hand reached up for his, and held it. Just like before…those lips moved softly.

“…Thank you.”


End file.
